Taunt My Chains
by ILoveLucey
Summary: What if Lily and James had a daughter instead of a son? Sarah Lillian Potter, after seeing Voldemort rise in her fourth year, feels alone as never before, but she soon finds out she needn't worry, Her Godfather will always be there for her
1. Prologue

TAUNT MY CHAINS

  
Short Summary combined with a must read and (sorry) very lengthy A/N: 

What is James and Lily, instead of bearing a son, bore a daughter? Instead of Harry James Potter, the Boy who Lived. It's Sarah Lillian Potter, the Girl Who Lived. The Harry Potter series as you know it has happened pretty much exactly the same. Though a few things are changing now. 

It is right after 'Sarah' had seen Voldemort rise again. Now to see why this is here I need to talk a bit about myself. I'm a girl and I'm sorry I can't write guy emotions, I'm incapable. To be honest I think Harry and Sirius' relationship sucks. They should have the more Father/Son relationship that fails to be shown in the books. lol that's where I take over. Sarah looks exactly like James still. You can look exactly like your father and be a girl, you can! She's average height and slender, jet black hair to half way down her back and shocking emerald eyes. ( I just want you to have a mental picture of her) Now if I tried to write a Harry POV he would sound pretty gay. So he's now Sarah. Sarah and Sirius will form an amazing father/daughter relationship. I love Sirius to pieces and Remus too. So now onto the rest of the story. Sarah, in the summer after fourth year feels alone and guilty for what happened at the end of last school year. She feels very alone after not receiving letters (Dumbledore says they may get intercepted) two people show up at the Dursely's one night that will change her life...  
  
I swear it's worth reading you wont be disappointed if you just give it a chance! now one more thing I think Harry would have more friends. I have like 2 or 3 best friends and 3 or 4 really good friends then I have class friends and people I just say Hi too. I expect he would too. Especially since he's famous, people would just be like "What's up?" and not like Colin, he's admiring to a fault. But you know casually. So new characters will be introduced as Sarah's friends. And I know what your prolly thinking, I mean I usually hate original characters. But they will grow on you and you will love Sarah I promise!!! now thank you So much for listening to all that but it was necessary! Now PLEASE READ AND GIVE IT A CHANCE!  
  
QUICK NOTE: Sorry this seems very mixed up and fast, I wanted it that way so you would see how this is going through Sarah. She is very mixed up and this is all like a blur to her. and I* is the Sarah in the pensieve  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not J. K. Rowling, I know this will shock a lot of you, and I hope you can all find it in your hearts to laugh at anyone who needs me to write this... I think disclaimers are stupid. Sorry disclaimer, I didn't mean it...  
  
~*~  
  
PROLOGUE  
  
"No Snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible" ~ Voltaire ( pretend for a second snowflakes can actually FEEL, then it's beautiful and completely appropriate)  
  
~*~  
  
"Sirius is waiting for us" Dumbledore said. 

A warmness spread from my heart through out my body. Sirius was here, everything was going to be OK now... The door opened and Sirius was there, pale with worry. 

"Oh, Sarah, Are you alright?" I fell into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my face into his chest trying hard not to break down and cry. He whispered words of comfort into my hair. 

"What happened?" He asked over my head, rubbing my back soothingly. Dumbledore sighed before he started explaining what happened with Crouch.  
  
~*~  
  
"Sirius, would you like to stay with her?" He nodded looking at me for a second before transforming instantly into his dog form. Dumbledore helped me stand as I swayed with fatigue. Sirius stayed at my side and I grabbed a fistful of hair at his neck, leaning on him. We walked out of the office silently until we reached the hospital wing. I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep forever, to stay within my dreams forever and never wake up. I would not be so lucky. As Dumbledore spoke to my visitors Madame Pomfrey led me to my bed, shooting inquisitive looks at the dog I clung to. 

"Here, dear" she handed me a set of pyjamas. I finally let go of Sirius' fur, feeling somehow off balance, what I didn't realize is, that's always how I feel now. Changed, I slipped into bed, and the curtains were opened around me as I lay back into the pillows with a tired sigh.  
  


Sirius was intent on sitting right next to my bed, where my hand absently found it's way to his furry head. No one spoke a word and the sounds of silence I was so readily pleading for before, were now constricting. 

"I'm okay" I said answering their looks "Just tired." Mrs. Weasley looked like she wanted to cry and I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to hold out if she did. Hermione spoke out quietly 

"Jenell and Becca and the others wanted to come see you but Madame Pomfrey wouldn't let everyone in". I smiled. "That's OK". 

"Sarah" Dumbledore called softly. I looked up. "I want you to drink all of your dreamless sleep potion, I have business to attend, But I'll be back." He made to leave. 

"Yes, Thank you, Sir" I called after him in a voice weighed down by exhaustion. He turned around looking at my with twinkling eyes that pierced my weathered soul before he swept out the door. I turned my gaze to Sirius, staring dutifully at me. I pet his head, in my signature way, though I had only pet him twice in his dog form, this was already a mannerism. Something I felt I had always done, maybe I had as a baby.  
  
I felt such a yearning, at that moment, to have a serious talk with Sirius, one I hadn't had before with anyone. I wanted to ask about my parents, after just seeing them, speaking to them even. I wanted to know everything about them, and everything about my new Godfather. I have a habit of writing letters that are too long filled with useless information. When I wrote to Sirius, he seemed to enjoy the lengthy letters and I enjoyed the ones he wrote back. I finally felt like I had this person I could confide in. Like...dare I say it, a parent. I could never speak openly to Mrs. and Mr. Weasley. they were like a family to me, But they had too many children already. The Durselys? Well actually last summer I had begun to talk to Aunt Petunia more readily and she wasn't so terribly annoyed with me. But, I couldn't help feeling like I had missed out on something great, something essential even. Sirius was such a great 'Father' just through his letters, he made me feel so loved. I couldn't imagine actually getting to live with him like he had told me. Maybe this summer....  
  
"Drink it all, dear" Madame Pomfrey instructed handing me a goblet. I looked around the room quietly before drinking a mouthful and before I could even finish the drink I fell into unconsciousness and my hand fell slack on my bed, away from Sirius.  
  
~*~  
  
I awoke to shouting. My drowsy eyes blinked as a rapid series of events shocked me. Minister Fudge, McGonagall, and Snape bursting into the room shouting about dementors; Pomfrey telling them to quiet; Dumbledore entered asking about the shouting; and the visitors of the hospital looked on in shock. I shook my head slightly to shake away the fogginess, like water from a wet dog. When the conversation turned to the Minister's distrust of me I spoke up. 

"You've been reading Rita Skeeter" I calmly accused. He looked at me in an expression I could not identify, and will not soon forget. He justified himself with nonsense and I could feel anger shaking my body. And when he accused me of making the whole thing up, my trademark sarcasm bubbled to the surface like never before. 

"Because that's just what I want to happen" I retorted with white anger. His raging eyes swung to me. 

"How do I know what goes on in your demented mind" He hissed. Dumbledore sent a lashing of anger I had never felt before, towards Fudge. And as a natural silence proceeded Dumbledore's harsh words, I spoke a word, a single word that told the tale of what I had been thinking the last moments. 

"Pensieve" All eyes turned to me. "What was that?" Dumbledore asked in a soft tone. 

"Pensieve...couldn't I..." I searched for the correct words. 

"If, you are up to it, you can, only if you really want to" Dumbledore finally replied. "Yes, of course, If it works" I threw a glare at Fudge "then yes of course"  
  
He smiled at me quietly. "Thank you, Sarah" was all he said before waving his wand and on the table beside me materialized Dumbledore's Pensieve. 

"What you have to do is think very hard about the memory you wish to see and I will do the actual extracting.

"He instructed quietly. Fudge stood with a blank face and the others were mixed of blank, curious, and from Mrs. Weasley, terror. I sighed and closed my eyes, concentrating hard on the memory I wanted so bad to erase. I felt a wand tip at my temple gently it pressed into me before it was pulled away, pulling something from me as well. It was an unexplainable feeling, a lightening feeling, like a burden was being released slowly. It was dropped into the fog and it swirled there before turning into a window, a window no one would ever wish to see. Though it only showed a maze of hedges at the moment, it held horrors of another world.  
  
Time stood still for a second, a minute even. Dumbledore waved his hand shortly for Fudge to come closer and then looked to the visitors. 

"If Sarah permits it, would anyone else like to accompany us?" He asked looking only at me. I nodded. "of course, everyone who wants to" I answered. I really didn't want anyone to have to see what I did, to have to be haunted like I am now, to be unclean, like me. But I also found a satisfaction in knowing others would be there. And I wanted to be there too, to see Fudge's face when Voldemort rose, to take sick satisfaction is his horror, he would have to believe us now, have to. 

"I want to come too, though" I said in such firmness, I even sounded angry, reading myself for the argument to come, and it did. "Oh no" Mrs. Weasley said a trembling voice. 

"Oh really" I answered in a voice that clearly conveyed every emotion running through me. How dare anyone tell me not to go, when I had been there, when I had felt it, when I had been the cause of it. How dare they. I turned my eyes to Sirius who was whimpering quietly. I just reached out to pet his head and looked up to Dumbledore. 

"Can we go now?" I asked. 

"Are you Sure?" His piercing eyes cast me a glance. "too sure" I said standing up leaning into Siri. Mrs. Weasley and Bill stood up, McGonagall, and Snape came closer to the group. I was astounded, yet glad to find Hermione and Ron had stayed sleeping on the chairs through the whole conversation. They needed not to be woken up. I turned to Dumbledore and nodded. "Everyone touch the surface"  
  
We did and in a second I was being thrown into the pensieve with force. I hit the cold grass and stumbled into Sirius. He stood steady as I pushed myself up. Everyone stood in a cluster of silence. I saw the Trophy just in front of me and my eyes became unfocused as I stared at the root of the problem. I was snapped back into reality by Fudge's impatient throat clearings. I decided I better narrate the memory. 

" We should be coming any second, Me from there" I pointed "and Cedric from there" I stumbled over his name like a foriegn word. And soon enough we heard running. 

I* came running through one side and Cedric sprinting from the other. The space was huge, but Cedric was closer, I remember what was reeling in my head at that moment. How I thought I would just stop dead and Cedric would take it, he was so close and I would congratulate him a job well done. I would follow him out of the maze smiling proudly, sad I didn't win, But even happier that Cedric was the one to win, That Hogwarts would win. And I* did stop, because I* saw a HUGE spider coming from the side, barreling at Cedric. 

"Look out!" I* shouted as I* hurled a couple of spells at it in rapid succession. Cedric saw it just in time and jumped out of the way. It was bearing down on Cedric's fallen form. I* was shouting at it, trying to distract it. I could feel Ron shivering at the sight of the huge spider. I myself was deadly afraid of spiders, but now, seeing this again wasn't frightening, I was too busy dreading what was coming next. 

I* choked as I* jumped out of the way, one of my spells rebounding from its exterior straight at me. But finally it turned bearing down on me and took hurried steps backward. But it was too fast. I* shouted as it grabbed me. It held me upside down as I* felt excruciating pain in my leg. I* shouted curses at it, the last finally working, the disarming spell. It dropped me and I* fell to the cold ground I* shouted 

"Stupefy" at the same time as Cedric. It fell over. I* grabbed onto the hedge pulling myself up. I pulled up my robes revealing a deadly bloody leg. I* winced and dropped the hem, my breath coming in short gasps. "Thank you" Cedric said standing up. "That's three times you helped me in this maze" "Don't mention it" I* said through clenched teeth. "Now take the cup, if you will, I think the spider was venomous"  
  
Cedric looked to the cup and back at me. "You've helped me all through out the maze, It wouldn't be fair"  
  
"You've helped me too, that's not the way this works, now take it" I* went on. My knee buckled beneath me and the hedge was all that was supporting me as I* tried pulled myself up. "Please, I want you to win, just take it" I* pleaded.  
  
"No" He said now stubborn. "You deserve it"  
  
"Please, stop trying to be noble, Just take and we can get out of here." I* said with insistence.  
  
"No" he said again. "You're taking it"  
  
"This is absolutely ridiculous, you know that right?" I* was standing on my one good leg. 

"Then, we'll both take it" I* finally suggested.  
  
He looked surprised. "Really?"  
  
"Yes, it will still be a Hogwarts victory." I* said looking up.  
  
"Okay" He came and took my elbow, helping me walk to the cup. "On the count of three"  
  
1...2...3...  
  
We both grabbed a handle and the whole world went spinning around us.  
  
We all landed gracefully on the dark graveyard.  
  
My* leg gave way as I slammed into the damp ground. Cedric helped me up and I* looked around in a mild state of panic."Where are we?"  
  
"I'm not sure...do you think it's part of the task?" Cedric didn't look as apprehensive as I* felt.  
  
My wand was out in an instant as I* turned looking around. "No" I* said with a firmness. 

"This is not part of the task." I* whispered. 

"Wand out" I* instructed, noticing his lack of one. I* stumbled forward scanning the surrounding. But I* stopped dead when I* heard the sound of dragging through the leaves. I* Grabbed Cedric arm trying to pull him behind a nearby gravestone but he wouldn't budge. I* hissed at him to come. Before I* stopped, There was a huge cauldron, and a short man, dressed in black with a bundle of robes. I* froze before I was hit with such an unbelievable amount of pain, I fell to my knees, my wand fell from my hand and I pressed my hands against my forehead. My breath was not coming out of my throat. I heard a voice then, that will haunt my nightmares. 

"Kill the spare" It hissed. And I knew what it meant, through my haze of pain my brain connected everything. I saw a green flash of light through my eyelids, screwed tight with pain and I lunged to my right, where Cedric was standing. I connected with him and we fell to the ground. The pain disappeared. I looked up and saw the life-less eyes of Cedric. I gasped and jumped back in shock. He was dead.... Before I could even move someone grabbed the back of my robes, dragging my struggling body to a huge headstone before slamming me into it. I struggled as he tied the ropes and he hit me. It was wormtail... 

~*~  
  
We were thrown headlong out of the pensieve and landed in the hospital wing. I swayed but held fast onto Sirius. Mme. Pomfrey helped my to the bed and pulled my sweaty hand from out of Sirius fur as she tucked me in without so much as a word. The room was deathly silent and I couldn't stand it. Sirius whimpered and lightly jumped onto the bed lying down next to me and placed his head on my stomach. Dumbledore watched me as I pet Sirius. 

"Thank you, Sarah" He smiled quietly. "Anytime, Sir" I said detached. 

"That was absolutely ridiculous" Fudge raged. Dumbledore turned and lashed at Fudge. 

"It could have been a dream for all I know" Fudge countered. Then I heard a speech I thought I would never hear from Dumbledore, about the parting of the ways, the ministry and Dumbledore splitting up. How cliche I thought bitterly. The government against it's people. How awfully story book. Fudge stopped from storming out just long enough to deposit a sack of gold on my bed side table. Dumbledore then asked Sirius to show himself and he did as he leapt off the bed and transformed. Snape, as well as Mrs. Weasley, let out an exclamation of surprise and distaste. Their stares of loathing were icy cold. Then Dumbledore forced them to shake hands, something I had never even dreamt of seeing. Snape left on a mission asked of him by Dumbledore. Then something happened that filled me with complete emptiness. A complete sense of loss. He asked Sirius to go on a mission as well. And I protested weakly.  
  
"I have to do what I can. You understand don't you"  
  
"Yes, of course I do" I lied through my teeth. I didn't understand at all. Dumbledore had other people. Sirius wasn't exactly needed for this. What if I needed him? Well, that would just be selfish I told myself. And I was immediately ashamed of what I had previously thought. Sirius came and gave me a tight hug.  
  
"I will see you very soon I promise." He whispered.  
  
"Good Luck" Was all I said before he smiled, saluted Dumbledore and left the room in a swish of his tail.  
  
Dumbledore went on rambling plans as I let my head fall back against the wall. And I closed my eyes in despair. All alone again. It seemed like Sirius had never even been here. Like I had just imagined it. Dumbledore said something to me about taking potion and I just nodded as he left. I was alone with Mrs. Weasley, Ron, and Hermione.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Please REVIEW and tell me what you thought. I really can't wait to hear what you think of it so far, the first chapter will be here soon so please please tell me what you thought!! Keep in mind all flames will be used to warm my hot chocolate. 


	2. Forgiveness is offered to those who seek...

TAUNT MY CHAINS  
  
A/N OK everyone lol I've changed the name already! I was toying with this title in the beg. but then I didn't and now I did! lol The first title was from a lyric of John Lennon's "When everything is Said and Done you can't go pleasing everyone, so screw it" that's kinda my attitude on everything right now so it seemed fitting. But then I remembered the poem having very much to do with the plot so I'll post that as the plot thickens. OK WOW reviews! I'm sooo excited. so I've posted a few answers to reviews after the chappy! ENJOY!  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER 1  
  
Repentance is another name for aspiration. ~ Henry Ward Beecher ( I kinda understand it but then it's like...what?)  
  
~*~  
  
I jumped up in bed with a gasp, breathing heavily. Images of Voldemort burned freshly in my mind. That was three weeks ago! Three weeks! It was mid July and I still have nightmares. I looked around the dark confines of my room. The neon light flashing 12:30. Can't even sleep past midnight these days. 

The darkness moved and I flinched as I flipped on the switch. Light was thrown into the shadows and took over. I'm paranoid, absolutely paranoid. I dropped my head into my hand and sighed. I have had no word from my friends except from Hermione, one of my best friends. And Jenell, also one of my best friends, and also a muggle second cousin of the Weasley's. She was as close in the family as one of them, but she lived in Muggle London, she was a witch but her father was a muggle ( he got along real well with Mr. Weasley). They knew how to use phones and they called me quite a bit. They had told me how Dumbledore would 'prefer' we kept our letters 'to a minimum' because fear they would be 'intercepted'. What a bunch of hoopla. I was started to feel very rebellious about Dumbledore's thoughts on anything. Everyone thought he was so great. And don't get me wrong, I love the guy, but sometimes I think he was just too full of himself. No one is right ALL the time, no one.  
  
I have had no word from Sirius. Not one single letter. I was a little upset. He couldn't stop for one second to write one lousy "I'm OK". I wasn't expecting a novel here. I just wanted to know that he was alright. What if he's so awful that he can't even write? What if he was captured? I slapped a hand to my forehead. Shut Up. I'll never get anywhere with that thinking. No news is good news I guess. If something had happened surely someone would have told me? 

I'd asked Hermione and Jenell repeatedly about Sirius, but they knew as little as I did. I was started to wonder how long it would be before I saw him again. This summer he's too busy to even write, then I go to school and there's no chance of seeing him. What about next summer? But that's a whole year! I mentally cursed Dumbledore for sending Sirius out. Then I immediately felt bad, he was doing something important wasn't he? I can't expect to have him all to myself when there's a world out there to save.  
  
I sighed and flung the covers off, putting my feet on the floor. I looked into the pitch blackness of my window before flinching and looking away. The complete blackness scared me, I had no idea what was out there. I grabbed my wand off of the night table, I took it with me EVERYWHERE now. I got up carefully and walked out into the dark hall. 

All of a sudden the door to the bathroom was thrown open and I jumped. Uncle Vernon looked at me menacingly. 

"What are you doing up?" He asked. 

"I couldn't sleep" He narrowed his eyes, as if to try and tell if I was lying. 

"I don't want you wandering the house while we're sleeping" 

I protested, "I was just going to make some tea" 

"Don't use that tone of voice with me!" He growled, reaching out and grabbing my arm.

"Don't touch me!" I said with indignance, pointing my wand at his face. 

"You can't do magic over the summer" He whispered with malice and a look that I never wanted to see again. 

"It won't be summer forever" I threatened pointing my wand in a more professional manner. He stared at me before wrenching my arm away and disappearing into the darkness of his room.

I stood there, in the dark, for a few moments longer, too scared to move. Uncle Vernon had always scared me, to tell you the truth, I feared him more than I did Voldemort. With Voldemort I was more, on the same level with. Sure I'm a fourth year student and he's a fully trained wizard with extensive knowledge of Dark arts spells. But I have a wand, I can defend myself, though poorly. With my Uncle, he's a huge man, maybe four times larger than me. The first week I was back he kicked me because I talked back to him. He kicked me! My side is still very bruised and I think I might even have broken a rib, as it still hurts to breathe. Now a light bruise was forming on my arm, I could feel it and I shivered in the dark.  
  
I went down the stairs quietly, careful to jump the last one, and made my way into the kitchen. I went about silently making my tea. I had thought, once, about telling Sirius what my uncle had done. But Sirius is a busy man. He need not be worried with the stupid troubles of a teenager. Besides, he would just recklessly come to my aide by hurting the Dursley's. I didn't want that, no matter what they had done to me. And it wasn't all of them. Just Uncle Vernon.  
  
Petunia was starting to warm up to me I thought. I talked to her about my mother a few days ago. It was wonderful! She had spent her whole childhood with her after all. She also told me a bit about my father, but she didn't know him too well. Petunia even once mentioned Sirius, who had come over a couple of times and played pranks on her with James, because she had made fun of them. I told her how he was the Godfather I spoke of and she smiled! She actually smiled! Not a fake one either. It absolutely floored me. But I did smile back. And the last thing she told me before Vernon got home was how she thought she had a few of my mother's things in the attic and that she would have to look for me. Things of my mothers! And she had never mentioned them before. I thought she hated my mother...I thought she hated me.  
  
I sat at the kitchen table starring into my tea. My life isn't so bad, I told myself. Sure I had to live in a cupboard for the first ten years of my life, I've been in mortal peril too many times to counts, I'm wanted dead by the evilest sorcerer of all time, I've never known my parents, I live with people that don't love me, My Godfather is away to insurmountable danger, Snape, I can't talk to my friends, oh, and I have a lot of homework....what was my point again? I joked myself as I took a sip from my mug. Despite all of that, I go to an amazing school, I'm second of my class (Hermione is Of course first!), I'm a witch, I have friends that love me, I have a Godfather that loves me (even though he isn't here), and I do have a lot of fun. I'm actually pretty lucky. Some people don't even have what I have. I smiled with lifted spirits. yeah I am lucky.  
  
I bumped my side into the table as I scooted in my chair and gasped. I doubled over slightly, taking deep, ragged breaths. Kind of, I'm kind of lucky. I straightened up as I hissed through my teeth and downed the rest of my tea, trying to make the piercing pain subside. He had done this to me just a bit last summer, right before I ran away. I thought that was it, but this summer is started again. And I had promised myself earlier on that I would never be 'let' him hit me. That I would ALWAYS fight back, no matter how much more he hurt me. 

There were times, he would hit me and I would just want to play dead so he would go away, I wanted to crouch down on the floor and cry. But I would not take it lying down, not ever. I hit him and kicked him back, shouting at him to leave me alone. And I always got beat worse. He could win physically, but I would NEVER let him win mentally. I was playing my own game, he could have his. As long as I knew I didn't let him pacify me, then I had won. I know I can't stop him, but I would never submit to it. Besides, he only hurts me once in awhile, most the time he just shouts at me. It has been okay. I had to hide it sometimes in the beginning of last year. the bruises, the welts. Getting dressed in my dorm, when someone would touch a bruise or I accidentally hurt myself. It was hard, but I had done it. The pain was easiest of all to hide. I could take pain.  
  
I think Hermione figured it out. I had never for one second, thought she wouldn't figure it out. I can only hide it so well and Hermione is too smart for her own good sometimes. She catches me crying sometimes as well. I cry a lot I think. Sometimes my life just gets so stressful and I just have to cry, I just can't help it. Sometimes I cry in self-pity. I cry for other people as well. I cry mostly when people shout at me. I just can't stand it, I'm hyper-sensitive to hostility. Snape shouts at me all the time. You think I'd be used to it by now. But sometims I have to try and hide my wet eyes. I think Hermione, on some level, sees that I have pain. The best of my friends at least. I think she is starting to get to know me better than I wanted her to. There is a part of me that my friends don't know. The part that gets beaten, the part that, when she thinks of her parents her heart feels empty and she cries, the part that wishes none of this had happened.  
  
They can only know the part of me that I reveal to them. That is my thinking at least. Hermione is getting too far. I pride myself on being an open person. I talk about how I feel and I talk about painful things, there are some things I think that are just burdensome and don't need to be shared. That part of me lays hidden. I also like to think I know myself very well. And I do. My friends think they know me so well, because I confide in them and talk about all kinds of things. But one time Jenell told me how she thought I would react to something. And I told her that that's not what I would say at all. that's when it hit me I think. That my friends really don't know me. Now I sound like some self proclaimed misunderstood teenager. I'm not really. It's just, I know how I think and I know how I would react to anything, I know what I think about the things that no one even cares to ask. So how could anyone know me better than that? I am a very complex person, and what everyone knows is only the tip of the iceberg, shall we say. That was something I liked, that no one could know me, better than I. That I was one up on everyone.  
  
And me, understanding all of that. I think it helps me understand other people better. I'm actually pretty good at understanding people. I'd like to think that I know how people work. When I watch people, I pick up on their mannerisms very quickly. If you asked me a question I bet I could tell you how everyone of my friends would react, and be accurate.  
  
Enough self reflecting, I chided myself. Standing on numb legs I dropped my mug into the sink and walked up the stairs, for once after a nightmare, I was genuinely tired.  
  
~*~  
  
I jerked out of my sleep with pounding on my door. I looked at the clock. 7:18. Great. 

"What?!?" I shouted at the door as I jumped out of bed. I pulled the door open as my uncle shouted. 

"Get up and make yourself useful for once." And I bit my tongue to contain the "OK because I DIDN'T mow your lawn and prune the flowers and cook dinner and help clean the house..." I just looked at him with suppressed rage as he started down the stairs. I heard the front door shut and rolled my eyes as I shut my door and fell onto my bed.  
  
I must have dozed off because I was later awoken by a gentler knock on my door. I sat up and said "come in" in a chipper voice. The door creaked open to reveal Aunt Petunia. I raised my eyebrows as to ask the occasion. 

"I found that box of your mother's things" she explained. I leapt off the bed and a smile involuntarily lit up my face. She led me down the stairs. There was a cardboard box on the kitchen floor, labeled in thick black marker on the side was "LILY" in pretty cursive. I hesitated but Petunia nodded before she herself sat on the floor. I immediately followed her lead. With no more hesitation I pulled up the tabs of the dusty box. It was filled with papers, boxes, little toys. I didn't know where to start, but before I made up my mind Petunia made a move. 

"Oh, I remember this!" She pulled out an ornate jewelry box. 

"This used to be in our room, Daddy gave it to Lily when she was just four years old, brought it back from China, he used to travel" 

"Really?" I asked, thinking this was too good to be true, that I was perhaps still dreaming. 

"Oh yes, he went all over the world" She went on excitedly. She opened the box and I looked at the jewelry, some of it was juvenile, plastic. But the rest was beautiful. 

"This" She started, pulling out a gorgeous necklace. It was silver and had a large emerald dangling from it with diamonds accenting it. 

"Your father gave Lilly this her last year of school, She absolutely adored it, wore it everyday for a while there. Look it will be gorgeous with your eyes." She held it up to me. 

"try it on" She urged pushing it into my hands. I looked at the necklace as Petunia went digging through the rest. My eyes were unseeing and my hands, frozen.  
  
"Aunt Petunia" I said in a whisper, she looked up. 

"Why are you doing this?" She just stared for a second before setting down the box and looking at me. 

"Sarah, I really.... When you're mother found out she was a witch, when she came home knowing how to do magic... I was so jealous! Who wouldn't be? I wished I could do it too. But, It also scared me, that Lilly, my sister and best friend, wasn't who she thought I was, she was something weird. It was something I didn't know so I was afraid of it, when people are afraid of things, they end up hating them." She had started in a lighter voice, it was now weighted down with years of regret.  
  
"I was jealous and afraid of Lilly when she came back. So I hated her. No I never hated her I was just acting like it. It was easier that way. We lost touch. She did ask me to keep this box for her, she had no room for anymore stuff in her house she had told me, and I told her I would, that was the last time I talked to her... I had wanted to tell her always, that I really didn't hate her, that I still loved her... Then I found out she had been killed, and that was my last chance to tell was gone. Now I had her beloved daughter, your headmaster left you at my door telling me you had to stay here because of some kind of old magic. I couldn't believe I had to be around a witch again. You didn't even know yet and I had submitted you to a life of hate, subconsciously I couldn't get past the fact you were magic, something I could never be. Something scary and unknown to me. I never got to tell your mother" She let out a quiet sob 

"I never told her that I didn't really hate her." She bowed her head. 

"She knows" I assured her almost reflexively. "I know she does" I whispered. Aunt Petunia looked up with a smile and wiped her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Sarah, I never hated you, your mother, or your father, not really. I'm so sorry I've treated you all so awfully" And she broke down crying. 

"Auntie" I said shocked. She was crying! I put my arm around her shoulders.  
  
"Come on, Aunt Petunia, It's Ok! I know and my mum knew too" I said soothingly. Her sobs broke off and she wiped her eyes. 

"I never expected your forgiveness, God knows I don't deserve it" She sniffed quietly. 

"Yes you do, everyone deserves forgiveness" I said in a semi shocked, semi soothing voice. She just shook her head and I tried to lighten the mood a bit. 

"Does this mean you forgive me for breaking that vase the other day?" 

She started laughing. "Of course I do, of course I do" She whispered the last half. 

"I never really expected any of this" I said quietly. "

I never expected to tell you" She said. 

"I was just thinking a while ago about how I never told Lilly and I didn't want to have never told you. I've been weeks trying to pluck up the courage." She confided. 

"Well, I think you were very brave to tell me." I said. 

"It's not easy to admit you're wrong, I know." 

"Please, Sarah, don't, I can't even live with myself for never telling Lilly, you forgiving me is just to much let alone telling me how 'brave' I am for telling you, I can't stand it." She looked on the verge of crying again. 

I was going to say "I'm sorry" just then but I didn't want to push her off the edge so I sat in silence. She laughed quietly. 

"Look at me. I have no right slobbering about all this" She whispered and her hands opened the jewelry box back up. I just sat in a stunned silence. What was going on? I asked myself. Then my gaze dropped to the necklace in my limp hand. I pulled it up to eye level and watched it sparkle in the noon-time sun. 

"Try it on" she repeated, watching me with a smile. and I did. 

"It looks beautiful" she complimented. I kept telling myself "This is my MUM's" as I went through all of the jewelry with her, Petunia telling the stories behind each of them. Then she gasped. 

"This reminds me!" She stood up and went up stairs without another word. I was left sitting on the floor in complete confusion before she returned with an old envelope. 

"I was given these before your parents bodies were buried." She explained. 'bodies...buried'... wait a sec. I was about to ask exactly WHERE their bodies were buried, but that thought was silenced by what Aunt Petunia dropped into my hand out of the envelope.  
  
A beautiful diamond engagement ring and two wedding bands.  
  
My hands started shaking. And she sat back onto the floor without further adieu and rifled through the papers. I sat there, my mind not processing what was being told to me. My parents wedding rings, the things that signified their love for one another. They had never been this real to me. This dimensional. I had only known them by pictures and sporadic story telling of their old friends. I unfroze and made a fist around the rings dropping my hand to the floor. Petunia, not knowing the impact she had created, started showing me the letters hidden in the box.  
  
~*~  
  
It was late afternoon and I was sitting on my bed, the box sitting on the floor. I was still trying to let this all sink in. I had just learned more about my mother than I ever dreamed. I opened my fist. On my sweaty hand lay the three rings. I had held them all day. I set them gently to my night table and wiped my hands on the sheets. They sparkled in the sun as I stared at them. I pulled my eyes away to the box. We had gone through everything in it. 

Now neatly tied with a pink ribbon, were the love letters my parents had written each other ( I was waiting till I was ready to read them), there was the jewelry box on top, legal documents such as my birth certificate and my mum's, a few childhood toys, some of her school books with her name inscribed in them, and her school tie.  
  
I was wearing the necklace and also a bracelet I had found in the jewelry box. It was silver, there was a flat section, on it was carved "Lily" in script. I couldn't help but smile and feel terribly empty at the same time when I looked at it all. I looked back to the rings with a sigh. I went to my trunk, pulling out a black hair ribbon I tied the rings together with it and set them in the jewelry box. I was just going to clear a place in my trunk for the box when I heard the front door slam and jumped to the window. I saw my Uncle's car and gasped. I grabbed the box and shoved it in my armoire, away from view. I kicked my trunk closed and sat at my paper and book strewn desk as I caught my breath. Sometimes Vernon would come in and yell at me right when he got home. He didn't today. And I was thankful. I took a deep breath and started on my potions essay.  
  
~*~  
  
It was a little before midnight. My desk light was on and I was just finishing up my well worded potions essay. 

After dinner I had hidden the box away in my trunk and re-organized my belongings in it so I wouldn't have anymore scares like the one today. Then I had decided to do some more work on my homework. Before going to bed Aunt Petunia stuck her head in and said 'goodnight' to me. As I worked my mind kept wandering to the box, I was still in shock over what had happened today, did it even happen at all? Every time I saw my mum's bracelet on my wrist I thought of her, of my dad too.

I finally concentrated enough to finish an essay, the one I disliked the most too, I thought proudly. I sighed and looked straight out through my window. The streetlamp, having not gone off yet, cast eerie shadows all over the street. The next-door neighbor's shrubbery cast a scary shadow across the width of the street. I looked to the clock before immediately looking back to the shadows. Something had caught my eye...their was something in the shadow, moving. Then the streetlamps went off.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Oooo cliffhanger! lol I'm sooo evil! soooooo what did you all think??? ( Sorry if there are mistakes this whole thing was written at like 1 am) the first real chapter! exciting? a let down? TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT! did you like the whole Aunt Petunia thing? I thought it was pretty cute lol. Well sorry if it seems rushed, I think it helped portray how what all happened was a bit of a blur to Sarah. Well anyway. Tell me if you all like what I'm doing here, tell me if this story is working! I wanna know! OK I answered a few reviews below! Don't forget to REVIEW!!!!!  
  
Torny: LOL I'm glad I didn't name her Harriet too! Even though she was born under the same circumstances as Harry, she isn't Harry! I'm glad you've recognized that! so proud! besides Sarah is a prettier name! and it kinda sounds like Harry....kinda. So what did you think of her in this chapter??? Is she forming well? You like her?? Did you like her talk with Petunia?? huh? huh?? And thank you! I hope she is more sensible, because Harry isn't very.  
  
Shimmergloom: Hey, nice to know someone agrees with my "More father/son(daughter) relationship" slogan! lol and YES I have of course read the fifth book, but I was a bit disappointed to tell the truth! I'm mad at everyone in that book! Mrs. Weasley is horrid to Sirius ( I wanted to slap her) Dumbledore was stupid for not telling Harry at least when he first got to Grimauld, Sirius is a loser with Harry, I hate Umbridge!, Snape is a meanie fish, James is portrayed as a meanie fish too It's just all so upsetting! I really hated Sirius and Harry's relationship! They were together and they like never talked I was like "What?" Everything is dark and horrible. I did like Dumbledore telling Harry at the end though but I cry every time I re-read the Sirius-falls-through-a-curtain part! I have a whole theory on the fact that Sirius IS coming back.. But I've ranted enough so I'll wait till someone asks me about it lol  
  
Rune LillyAnna Snape: I'm soo glad you're into female Harry stories! lol You SHOULD start a group and I'll join! Who said Girls can't do just as well as boys??? they can do better!  
  
princess-chandi: Thank you! I know the prologue was confusing! I'm sorry! I hope you understood it well enough tho! So tell me how did this chapter come out? You liking it?? And I'll check out ur story as soon as I have time!  
  
TO EVERYONE! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!! IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!  
  
Luv you all 


	3. Hiding in the light

TAUNT MY CHAINS  
  
A/N: Thank for reviewing everyone! Just Kidding! I only got one review! You guys, that's depressing. Do you all not like it anymore? I'm so sad. Please, if you'll just give it a chance the later plot is intriguing I swear! Thank you Torny for reviewing I love you! I have the response to your review at the end ::wink:: To those who are still reading this. ENJOY!  
  
~*~  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."  
  
- Orson Welles  
  
~*~  
  
I froze, staring at the place I had seen the movement. My hand jumped to my lamp and I fumbled for the switch. Finally succeeding in turning off my light, my room fell into darkness. I stood up quickly staring into the moonlit lawn. My eyes searching for any thing. I suddenly saw it. Billowing blackness slinking across the lawn before disappearing right below me. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. I pressed my forehead to the glass of the window and tried to see where it was going. I could only guess. The shadow, in my mind's eye, was reminiscent of a sheet blowing on a laundry line...or billowing robes. Robes... death eaters. I spun around my chair clattered to the floor in my excitement and I searched through the dark for my wand. I grabbed it as I heard the back door creak open and a muttered conversation below me. They must have got in magically.  
  
My mind was working over time. What to do, what to do. I looked to the closet, in the ceiling was a entry way to the attic. I could get up through it pretty quickly and hide... But if I wasn't here... would they just leave? I doubt it. They would ruin the house...hurt the Dursley's. My only option was to stay and fight I guess. I need help! There were at least two of them by the size of the shadow. I could write Dumbledore. My eyes scanned the room. Hedwig was still out hunting. Besides Dumbledore didn't want me writing anyone did he? I thought bitterly. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I stood frozen, my wand steady on the door. There was whispering outside my door and a shuffling in the hallway. 

I waited. 

I heard a creak and a door shut...they must have looked in the wrong room. At least I didn't hear any spells...yet. "Alohomora" I heard distinctly and I took a step backwards. The door creaked open slowly and I stood, My heart thumping wildly in my chest.  
  
Two figures were outlined in the darkness of the doorframe. I held my breath, unwilling to be the first to attack. One of their hands fumbled unceremoniously for a light switch as I felt, more than saw them raise their hands to their heads. All of a sudden light was thrown into the room I staggered backwards and my feet hit my overturned chair. My hand flew back to catch myself on my desk but I made sure my wand was still pointing at the shapes. I looked up waiting for the inevitable and one of them uttered my name. I pulled myself up as I noticed who they were. They had removed their hoods and I dropped my wand arm.  
  
"Sirius?" I questioned. He smiled. 

"You bet" Was all he said. I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He spun around before setting me down. 

"What are you doing here???" I asked with an excited smile. And before he could answer I turned to the other person. 

"Professor Lupin!" I jumped to give him a hug and he rubbed my back. 

"Please, call me Remus... Or Moony if it strikes you." He added. And I smiled. 

"What are you guys doing here??? You scared me, I thought you were death eaters!" 

"Nope" Sirius smiled. 

"We've come to rescue you" 

"Rescue me?" My eyes wandered pat them to my Uncle and Aunt's rooms. 

"The Durley's.." I started in a whisper before he could answer. 

"Oh," Sirius smiled looking at Remus. "Moony took care of them" "What?"  
  
Remus smiled. "It's only a sleeping charm, they wont wake up for hours, don't worry" 

"Oh kay" I smiled... "Anyway, what were you saying?" I turned back to Sirius 

"Dumbledore said we could come and take you back to Moony's" He explained.

"Wait....what?" I asked. Before turning to my room. The desk had dropped some of it's supplies, books strewn across the floor. I picked up the chair setting it right and gestured to it and my still made bed. 

"Sit?" I asked as I crouched and picked up all the books off the floor throwing them onto my table. Remus sat down in the chair and Sirius, on the side of my bed. I sat down against the pillows and shook my head. 

"Sorry bout the state of my room, It's hard to mind the furniture when you think your house is under attack." I smiled. 

"That's OK" Remus answered politely. 

"So why are you here?" I questioned with a smile at Sirius. 

"And where have you been?" I asked before he could even open his mouth. He smiled.

"I've gathering people for Dumbledore so they will join a group against Voldemort" 

"A group against Voldemort?" I asked. 

"It's called the 'Order of the Phoenix' Dumbledore started it the last time Voldemort was a threat, Your parents, and Moony and me were in it"  
  
"Wait, you went and tried to recruit people? didn't they not know you were innocent?" 

"No, these people, had known, found out recently more like it" I nodded. 

"Then I went to Moony's. We, Dumbledore included, have been making arrangements for the Order" 

"What kind of arrangements?" I asked. 

"We have been trying to arrange for a headquarters, also there has been confusion with some of the members." His voice had taken on an unfamiliar tone. 

"Headquarters?" 

"Yes, but we did find a place" Remus said in a cheerful voice. 

"Where?" 

"The Noble and most ancient house of Black" Sirius answered bitterly. 

"House of Black?" I felt quite stupid, simply repeating everything they told me. I received only a nod. 

"It's your house?" I asked Sirius leaning forward. 

"It's my mother's house" 

"Your mother-" 

"She's dead."  
  
I reeled back as if I had been slapped. "Oh, I'm sorry" I answered swiftly, the only way I knew how. 

"Don't be." He said to the floor. I sat in stillness before turning my eyes to Remus. He smiled reassuringly and shook his head. 

"Homework?" Remus broke the silence and pulled a book down, flipping through it.

"This is in French" He said haltingly. 

"Yes it is" I answered with mild sarcasm. He looked up. 

"I didn't know you knew French" 

"Well, I don't really, well I mean I just taught myself, I'm not too good." I smiled. 

"How did you teach yourself another language?" 

"Dudley had books, to learn French and tapes. But he lost interest and got rid of them, and I stole them." I explained leaning back into the wall. 

"I know a little French, Sirius taught me" 

"Sirius, You speak French??" I asked in surprise. 

"Oui" He answered with a smile. 

"How?"

"The Black family are originally from France, all of us are forced to learn it, some of my relatives spoke little English" 

"That's crazy, I never knew that." He just shrugged and smiled.  
  
"Well, Anyway, Moony has so graciously invited us into his home..." Sirius started. 

"I've only 'Invited' Sarah, You came uninvited, eaten me out of house and home, you sleep to all hours of the morning, and you've given me fleas." Remus finished by scratching his arm jokingly. Sirius played off of Remus, inheriting his manner. 

" I came 'unexpectedly', I only eat you out of house and home because you're such a wonderful cook, I don't sleep THAT late, and you already had fleas!" They both wore playful continence's and they smirked at each other. 

"besides, you don't have to be 'invited' to a friend's house" Sirius added. 

"Or a Goddaughter's" I finished with a smile. Remus laughed quietly. Sirius mocked offended. 

"Does that mean you don't want me here." He whispered. 

"I was just joking" I smiled. He smiled back before going on. 

"Before I was so rudely interrupted" He looked at Remus. "Moony has begrudgingly let us into his home..." Remus shook his head. 

"If you want to come." Remus added.  
  
"Right, and we'll be going to headquarters to help make it livable." Sirius went off.

"Livable?" I asked. 

"No one's lived in it for years" Sirius offered. I nodded. 

"Tomorrow is Friday so we'll pretty much be alone, the three of us. But, Saturday we'll most likely be joined by some of the members, aurors and the like." Remus looked at Sirius. 

"Yeah, so what do you think?"  
  
"I think it sounds wonderful and that we should get the heck out of here" I smiled. Sirius and Remus stood up collectively. 

"Good Show" Sirius complimented. 

"Allons-y" Remus smiled. I laughed at their initiative. 

"I only need to collect my things." I crawled to the end of my bed and dragged my trunk to the middle of my room. I left it open and went to my desk, sorting through the books.

"What's this?" Sirius asked. I looked over. He had his hand on the cardboard box. 

"Oh! Aunt Petunia gave that to me! She had it in the attic, My mum gave it to her to hold, it's some of my parents things" My head was still bowed throwing books beside the box but I could feel the tension in the room. 

"I'll show it to you when we get to Moony's" I looked up smiling, he gave me a sad smile back as I threw some scrolls into the trunk. 

"How are we getting there?" I broke the silence. 

"Floo" Remus answered. 

"We are?" I questioned as I checked the desk drawers for loose articles. 

"Dumbledore had Arthur attach the house to the network for tonight" 

I nodded. "At least we're not taking a port key" I said candidly. I could see them from the corner of my eye exchange looks. 

"It's more than you're worth to set up an unauthorized port key anyway." Remus nodded.

"Not to some people." I added dropping to the floor and wrenching up the floorboard. I dug through the hole, pulling out a pillowcase of things, and a couple of books. I stood up, threw them in the trunk and dusted myself off. Remus and Sirius looked like they weren't sure to play it off or if I wanted to talk about something serious. I smiled. 

"Sorry, sometimes people take me the wrong way. I'm not trying to be melodramatic, I was just talking. You can lighten up" I added the last part with a sparkle in my eye, it seemed ironic, saying that to the biggest jokesters of all time.  
  
"You don't have to joke about everything, Sarah" Sirius said. I looked up. 

"Look who's talking!" I laughed. He smiled. 

"I'm trying to be more serious, no pun intended" Sirius and Remus had spoken the last part simultaneously and looked at each other laughing. 

"I was trying to be serious there, Moony" Sirius protested. 

"Life is too important to be taken so seriously" I smiled before opening my closet. I carefully took out my firebolt, looking it over to make sure it wasn't hurt. I set it carefully atop everything and closing the lid with care I snapped it shut and stood up. 

"Ready?" Sirius asked. 

"Almost, I need this" I grabbed my owl's cage 

"And I need to leave a note..." I looked around the now bare room. "I'll leave that in the kitchen though" I looked up with a nod. 

"Watch out, Sarah" Remus said gently. He flicked his wand and my trunk lifted. He started down the stairs and it followed him. Sirius put his arm around my shoulder and guided me down the stairs after turning off my light and closing the door.  
  
~*~ 

__

Dear Aunt Petunia,  
  
My Godfather and Remus Lupin, a good friend of mine, came and have taken me to Remus' house. I will be spending the rest of the summer with them! So don't worry about me. I will see you at King's Cross next summer. Thanks for everything! and take care of yourself.  
  
Always, 

Sarah  
  
I left the note on the kitchen table while Remus readied the fireplace for travel. 

"All set?" Sirius asked from the Living room couch. I nodded with a smile. 

"All set" I repeated. All of a sudden flames sprang up in the fireplace and Remus smiled back at us. 

"Let's go then" He commanded softly.  
  
Sirius jumped up and I stood by the fire. Remus pulled out a bag and offered it to me. I reached in and pulled out a small handful of sparkling floo powder. They instructed me on what to say and Remus encouraged me to go first. I kept my elbows in and closed my eyes to the torrent of sounds and colors. When I finally fell onto firm ground I opened my eyes. 

I was pleasantly surprised by my surroundings. The house reminded me of a cabin in the woods, which I would sound find out it was. The decor was simple but very elegant, definitely less bachelor-esque than I had presumed it would be. I was thrown to the ground by someone unexpectedly flying from the fireplace. 

"Sorry, Love" Sirius laughed as He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I shook my head.

"I think I lingered a bit too long" I smiled. 

"you think?" He joked and pulled me away abruptly as Remus came tumbling out. We looked at each other and started laughing. 

"Did I miss something?" Remus asked with a twinkle in his eye. We shook our heads. He pulled something from out his pocket and tapped it with his wand. It expanded into my trunk and owl cage. He flicked his wand again and they raised off the floor. 

"I'll show you your room, your probably knackered." Remus suggested as he started towards a doorway. 

"No, I'm not very tired really" I amended. I really hoped I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight, Merlin knows I've woken up the Dursleys before and I didn't want to wake anyone here. 

"No?" Remus asked as we started up a flight of stairs, Sirius trailing behind. 

"I'm kind of a night owl" I smiled.  
  
"Well you might want to get to sleep, We have to wake up early tomorrow to go to headquarters" There was a groan from behind us and Remus laughed. 

"Sorry, Sirius, you better hurry off to bed then" He looked back to him. Sirius glared, which Remus found quite amusing. 

"Here you are" He opened a door and lead me in. It was very nice, a big bed, night table, an armoire and a desk. 

"I know it's nothing special-" He started. 

"No it's perfect, Thank you, your house is lovely" I smiled as he set down my trunk and pushed it to the end of the bed. He smiled. 

"Thank you, Let me show you where everything is." He gestured to the door before walking out. Remus showed me that Sirius' room was straight across from mine, his own was further down the hall and the bathroom, right next to my room. Before retiring for the night. Sirius seemed to have other plans. He smiled.  
  
"Come on" He whispered, I followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

" Want some hot chocolate?" He offered as he opened the cupboard drawer. I nodded enthusiastically. 

"Yes, Please" He pulled the tin down and opened it carefully. 

"Can you get some mugs from there?" He pointed to a cupboard opposite. I pulled down two mugs and set them on the counter. 

"Can I do something else?" I asked quietly. He told me to warm some milk and I paid attention so it wouldn't burn. I successfully got it to the perfect temperature and poured it without spilling one drop. Sirius complimented me jokingly and opened the refrigerator. He pulled out a bowl of whipped cream and set it on the counter with a wicked grin. He pulled out the spoons and globed some onto his mug. I laughed quietly. 

"Sweet tooth?" I asked. 

"A small one" He laughed. I searched the cabinet for cinnamon and tapped it onto our cream. I cleaned up the kitchen when Sirius just waved his hand when I suggested it. He lead me into the den and sat down on the couch. Pointing his wand at the fireplace, flames started crackling merrily.  
  
"This is cozy." I commented, meaning it. 

"Isn't it? Too bad Remus wasn't interested. Sleeping" Sirius snorted. "Who in their right mind goes to bed so early during summer?" 

"It is almost 1:30" I admitted looking at my watch. 

"Yes, well.. I still can't believe he expects us to get up so early." I laughed. 

"I assume you like to sleep?" 

"Who doesn't?" He smiled. I snorted into my mug. 

"I don't even want to go" He sighed, sitting back. I set my mug on the table and pulled my legs beneath me. 

"Why don't you want to go?" I asked turning to face him. "

I hated living there, There are bad memories." His voice weighed down with the years.

"What kind of bad memories?" I asked hesitantly. He looked at me and his face was covered in moving shadows thrown by the fire. 

"My parents didn't like me. They saw me as a sort of disappointment. The Black family was a family very interested in the dark arts... not death eaters exactly, but they supported Voldemort. I didn't, and I couldn't stand it. I ran away when I was sixteen." He said this all slowly, as if afraid to mention his family. 

"That sounds horrible" I answered sympathetically. 

"It was, That's why I don't want to go back." 

"Where did you go when you ran off?" I asked gently. 

"Your father's house" He smiled wistfully. "Your grandparents were great about it" He enthused. "I had finally gotten away, And now I have to go back." 

" Well, It's different now, and once we clean it up it will be fine. It's good for meetings I suppose since Dumbledore picked it." I was trying to be comforting, I don't think it was working.  
  
"Well, It's unplotable for one thing. They put so many spells on it.. No one would be able to find it. Dumbledore just put it under the Fidelus charm too." Sirius explained after he took a sip of chocolate. 

"How does it work on houses?" I asked. "Well, the house is just kind of invisible to everyone. When Dumbledore tells you it's there, or you read it from something he's written, when you think really hard about the house it will kind of just appear. That's the only way you'd ever know it's there though." I nodded, staring into the fire. Sirius downed the last of his drink and sighed. 

"Well, I guess we best be off to bed, Moony will go insane if we don't get up in the morning" He said this with laughter. I smiled at his mirth. 

"Okay" I agreed easily, starting to feel drowsy. 

"We'll have to roast the marshmallows tomorrow night." He stood up and stretched.  
  
"Really, can we? I've never roasted a marshmallow before" I stood up and turned to him in excitement. He looked at me silently before nodding. 

"We will. Maybe Moony can stay up long enough to accompany us." He winked as he directed me back into the kitchen to put our mugs back. Sirius stopped in the den to extinguish the fire and we tread silently up the stairs as not to wake Remus. 

'He gets cranky when you wake him up' Sirius whispered to me before we reached the landing. 

"Goodnight, Siri" I whispered. 

"Night, Love" He ruffled my hair and disappeared into his room. I carefully opened my door and creeped inside. I opened the curtains so I could see the stars from my bed. they were beautiful tonight. I readied for bed bathed in moonlight and pulled the warm covers up to my chin. Right before I drifted off to sleep I wished on a star that I wouldn't have a nightmare tonight.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Well, Sorry all, that chapter was pretty boring... It was a kind of bridge. Of course this is all a bridge to the climax... which in my mind seems very far away. This is supposed to be a pretty short story.. I seem to lose interest when they get to very long. So I'm sorry but it will get better! I promise. Thank you all for reading and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!  
  
Torny: Thank you so much for reviewing! Don't worry long rambling reviews are my favorite! Yes Petunia knows on a different level. She's never actually seen it happen but she's figured it out you know. But she can't do anything to stop it really. She's kind of afraid of Vernon herself. He goes spare sometimes. Yes their relationship will come up pretty soon I hope.. Though it is not the main focus of the story so you know...So glad you noticed the Snape part. I was like grinning evilly when I put this story under Snape as well. There will be a whole lot of Snape interaction... hehe. That is an interesting idea about James... I'm not quiet sure how I would even get James involved. I was thinking of shoving some ollcumency( forgot how to spell it and am too lazy to look it up) lessons in earlier than the book did... much earlier lol. I'm not sure Sarah would throw herself into Snapes penseive though... you know. If you have an idea on that please tell me! You like my Sirius then? lol I like him too! I think your right about the Sirius being a brat in the books. I seriously think Snape needs to get over the whole "Sirius tried to kill me with a whomping willow" thing. I mean it was like 20 years ago! But yes Sirius will be forced into being more mature.. Sarah will help with that. I'm sorry this chapter was sooo boring. lol They will get more exciting I promise, so stay with it please! You must be interested in Snape to have been looking under his character... And Snape will show up a lot! I only hope I can capture his character... he's a hard one. I'm very scarred about that. Well, I'll see to it when the time comes. Thanks for reviewing... I'm even longer winded than you! lol I'm SOOOOO glad you're enjoying it. Though you seem the only one! lol  
  
PLEASE REVIEW EVERYONE! IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME!!  
  
Love you all! 


	4. Deceiving Nightmares

TAUNT MY CHAINS

A/N: oh my gosh, it's been soooo long! I'm so sorry! Not that any of it matters but first I had finals and then the term was starting so I had a lot of work to do and then I had it all practically written and it got deleted!!!! Then my computer totally broke down and I had to rewrite the whooole thing!!!! SO I'm really sorry if it totally sucks! I really really tried. 

And on another note... I need reviews people! I mean if no ones reading it why should I post it right? So how about.... at least 5 new reviews before I can post the next chapter?... not that it will be done by then lol....right? or maybe it will if only one person reviews like last chapter. (Thanks you Torny) and yeah on with the show!

~*~

CHAPTER 3

"I always admired those who let their nightmares free. Most of mine I keep secret in the Diary, not always willing to share the doubts, fears, visions, in my eagerness to overcome and conquer them for the sake of passionate affirmation." - Anais Nin

~*~

I awoke the next morning and rolled over to look at the clock. My eyes strained to see the blurry numbers. I leaned closer and closer. 7:21. I groaned and rolled onto my back, my drowsy eyes adjusting to the morning light. The realization started that I wasn't in my own bed and I blinked looking around the room The events of yesterday settled over me like a blanket . And I smiled. I laid in bed for a little longer, taking comfort in the silent stillness. 

Finally, I rolled myself out of bed and dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. My wand I had laid on the night stand the night before, now tucked safely in my pocket. I quietly creeped into the hall. Sirius' door was shut, though I didn't bother to try the knob, it gave off a presence of being locked. As if it didn't want anyone to come in. Remus' door was open, his bed made. I could hear pans clattering below me and I padded down the stairs, my bare feet slapping the wood softly. I walked down the hall and stepped into the kitchen. Remus had his back to me and was searching the cabinets. 

"Good Morning" I announced brightly. He smiled over his shoulder. 

"Good Morning, I was just going to wake you up" he pulled a pan from the cupboard and turned around. 

"Sleep Well?" he asked conversationally as he turned on the stove. 

"Yes, I did, Thanks... I wanted to thank you for letting me stay here." I said, leaning back on the counter. He turned to me 

"Don't even mention it Sarah" he said with sincerity. And I smiled.

"I'll try" was what I said after a decidedly short pause. A cup fell to the floor as Remus moved a bowl out of his way. 

"Do you need any help?" I asked with a light hearted laugh. He turned and smiled back. 

"I think I've got breakfast handled, but you could do a little something for me." He evaded. 

"Are you going to tell me or do I get to guess?" I asked with a little laughter in my voice.

"I guess I'll tell you" he said mock-reluctantly. "I would really appreciate it if you woke up Sirius for me" 

"He'll eat me" I protested. Sirius would no doubt be very grumpy about being woken up. Even though I had never seen him in the morning, I could only imagine. 

"He won't " Remus replied with a small laugh. I shook my head. 

"Fine" I conceded with a sigh as I made to leave. 

"He's hard to wake up" Remus warned me as I was almost to the hall. 

"Brilliant" I muttered. 

"Hit him really hard and back away quickly. That always works for me" He suggested good naturedly. I rolled my eyes. "You could always throw cold water on him, I know that would work" He added off-handedly. My eyes lit up.

"Could I really?" 

He turned around with a devious smile. "You want to?" He asked as if this was a 50 point question on an O.W.L. I raised my eyebrows and Remus' smile turned down-right evil. I had never seen him like this and I laughed. 

"Let's do it!" My enthusiasm bounced off the walls and threw itself around Remus. Before I said another word he pulled a pitcher from the cupboard, filled it with icy water, and handed it off to me. I smiled down on it before looking up at Remus. I had been half-kidding... or at least I thought I had been at the time. The tiniest speck of doubt surfaced from my thought of him being upset with me, but it was drowned out in no time. 

"Go for his head... then run like heck." Remus was full of helpful suggestions.

"He's faster than me!" I protested weakly.

"Small technicality." And Remus turned back to his sizzling pan. I stood for a second longer before I laughed to myself and bound up the stairs. I stalked slowly through the hall to Sirius' door. I rested my hand on it silently before I gently pushed it open. It creaked. I flinched and pushed the rest of the door open quickly. 

The room was dark with the blinds drawn. I walked ever closer to the bed and peered into the mountain of covers. Sirius was lying on his stomach his limbs at odd angles and his face pressed peacefully into the pillow. I stood for a second. The serene cloud the room was enveloped in at the moment made me hesitate to break it. But I shrugged to myself inwardly with an evil smile and held the pitcher over his head. I waited no longer and turned it downside. 

"ARRRRGGGG!!!" 

I burst out laughing as I fled the room. Dropping the pitcher at the foot of the bed I went sliding into the hall. I went bounding down the stairs as I heard Sirius stumbling out of the door behind me. 

Remus laughed as He heard footsteps pounding down the stairs followed by heavier footsteps.

I leapt down the last few stairs and grabbed the railing as I fumbled into the hall. Sirius' fingers slipped around my arm, but I evaded him easily. 

"I'll get you!" He called after me. 

I laughed tauntingly as I ran straight past the kitchen into the family room and around to the other side of the couch, catching my breath. As Sirius stopped on the side of the couch opposite me, trying to calculate my next move, I saw him for the first time. He was breathing raggedly, wearing pajama bottoms and a white tee-shirt now half translucent with wet, His hair a mess, face dripping. I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Good Morning" I said sarcastically. He narrowed his eyes and lunged towards one side of the couch. I countered him and ended on the side across from him. He inched sideways around the couch and I kept walking around until I was on the side I had started on. He stopped and I jumped onto the couch and over the back. I almost made it to the hall when Sirius wrestled me to the ground and started tickling me. I gasped with laughter. 

I tried, playfully, to get away from him. My breath gone with laughter, so was Sirius' as he laughed at my flailing. His right hand slid a little higher up my side and a searing pain shot through my body. Memory flooded my mind involuntarily.

__

"Don't speak like that to me!" Uncle Vernon grabbed my upper arm and leaned closer. He had been drinking, I could smell it on his breath. I struggled against his hold. 

"Just like your good for nothing parents" His words slurred together and my eyes clouded with blind rage. I struggled harder sinking my fingernails into his restraining arm. 

He made an incoherent noise and took a swing at my face. Thank God he was drunk because he missed and hit my shoulder. 

I fell back against the wall and slid to the floor with a gasp of pain. His foot came out of nowhere and made contact with my side. Searing pain shot through my body. I let out a strangled moan as he leaned against the wall. I pushed my chin up defiantly as he readied to take another try. 

An undeniable clatter resounded through the house coming from the kitchen. Uncle Vernon turned his back on me and staggered down the hall.

I pushed myself away more forcefully. The pain had stolen my remaining breath and was now taunting my lack of air. Sirius realized I could no longer breath but mistook it for laughing. He leaned back on his heels with a smile. I pushed a bright smile on my face as a dull ach overtook my senses.

He stood up and held out his hand for me. I reached out and he pulled me up in one smooth movement. I ignored the feeling of a knife between my ribs as Sirius pulled me into a one armed hug. 

"I understand, you were just getting a glass of really cold water and you accidentally dumped it over my head" He said with laughter. I smiled back, placing faith in my voice I made reply.

"Actually I was getting a pitcher of really cold water and I accidentally dumped it over your head. But I knew you wouldn't mind" Relief flooded me when my voice held steady. He shook his head and shivered in the crisp morning air flooding into the room from the window. He took to the middle of the kitchen.

"Remus, a little help?" He requested after searching his empty pockets for a wand. Remus turned around, divulged in a quiet laughter at seeing a freezing Sirius and tossed him his own wand before turning back. 

Sirius pointed the wand at himself and waved it down his body. In a flash he was completely dry and he leaned over Remus' shoulder to look at what he was cooking, he teased Remus a little and they both laughed.

I took the opportunity to take deep breaths, my side was now numb and I tried to look casual as I leaned against the counter. 

Sirius handed me a cup of tea. I took a sip of the warm liquid and immediately made a face.

"Is it that bad?" Sirius laughed. I shook my head.

"There's sugar in it" I said distastefully. 

"Yeah..." 

I smiled. "Sorry I don't like sweet things in my tea." I brought it back up to my lips to try and drink the rest of it. 

"Well then don't drink it." Sirius said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I was taught to eat and drink whatever was given to you because you might not get anything else. 

He took it from my hands and poured it into the sink. He then poured an amber liquid from the kettle into my now empty cup. 

"Milk?" he asked. I nodded. He stirred it and handed it to me as he walked by. 

"Thanks " I called to him gratefully.

I smiled and took a sip of the soothing liquid.

~*~

After breakfast Remus had ordered us to get ready and meet in the family room, where we were all waiting at the moment. 

"How are we getting there?" I asked as I looked at the fireplace. 

"Grimauld doesn't have any working fireplaces, so I suppose we'll just apparate." Remus said as if this one comment held all the answers.

"Umm, I don't apparate" I specified as if Remus didn't know already. He smiled at me. 

"Don't worry Sirius will take you" I had no idea what this meant exactly and I looked to Sirius. He was staring off into space. 

"Siri" I called. His head snapped around. 

"Are you OK?" I asked with my eyebrows raised. 

"Yeah" He said in an unconvincing voice. I just nodded, He really didn't want to go here did he?

"Sirius, we'll have to apparate." Remus relayed with a look of sympathy.

"I know, I got you" He said reassuringly. 

"Here" Sirius muttered. He wrapped his arms around my stomach. "Hold on tight" He commanded softly. I grabbed his upper arm and in a blink we landed on solid ground. 

I hadn't realized I had closed my eyes but the first thing I felt was the hard breeze slapping my cheeks. I opened my eyes. We were standing in the front of a very old mansion. In fact it reminded me of a haunted house. Remus had opened the iron gate and was following the walk to the door. I tried to follow him but Sirius arms held me still. I looked up at his face. He was watching it with dread. 

"Sirius" I whispered. He looked down at me. "Sorry" he whispered and loosened his arms. They fell away to his sides. 

"Let's go" I said brightly and took hold of Sirius' arm leading him up to the door where Remus stood waiting.

I noticed the unique knocker on the door. It was a serpent. I turned to Sirius to ask him about it but the look on his face stopped me. Remus tapped his wand on the knob and turned it. The door opened with a resounding creak and Remus lead us through the door. I walked in, followed by a reluctant Sirius. 

The door shut behind us with a clunk that echoed through the foyer. We all took slow steps farther into the house. I looked around trying to take it all in. It was all layered in dust, the furniture had sheets over it, cobwebs clung to the nooks and crannies. 

I took a step and a rotting floor board collapsed, my foot sunk into the floor. Sirius instinctively leaned to grab me but I fell forward and reached for a candlestick holder on the wall. It was yanked off the wall with a horrid squealing sound that ran through the house. I had gotten my balance already but Sirius took me under the arms and pulled me further away from the hole. At the exact same moment a curtain across the room was flung open by some invisible force. A painting of a horridly pale women was revealed and after a short hesitation it started screaming. I flinched and my hand flew to my mouth when I saw her, heard her. 

She was staring directly at Sirius who was still with his arm across me as if to protect me from something I had o knowledge of.

"FILTHY SCUM!!! BLOOD TRAITOR!!! SHAME OF MY FLESH!!"

"Damnit" Sirius whispered with vengeance in my ear. He moved his hand away slowly afraid I would immediately collapse, but I stood stock still. 

Remus had already run over and was trying to close both curtains, which provided quite a task it seemed. Sirius ran to the curtain and they both suffered with it until it was finally yanked closed. 

The whole house rang with unbearable silence. 

"I'm Sorry" I finally whispered through my hand. Sirius stared at me for a short second.

"It's allright, don't worry about it" He almost mumbled. 

"Are you OK?" He asked in a much stronger voice. I let my hand fall down slowly and stood up straight. 

"Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine... Are you?" I raised my eyebrows as my gaze involuntarily flickered to the curtains.

He nodded "I'm fine" He replied shortly. "I'm fine" He repeated. with one last bitter look at the curtain. 

"Well, you've finally met my dear ol' mum" He commented grimly. 

"Oh" I said with a breath of understanding. I nodded slowly. "She's....lovely" I said with a fake awkwardness. Then I looked down at the candlestick still clenched in my hand. I dropped it to the floor. 

"You didn't like that did you?" I asked with a smile. "I mean a candlestick on the wall... that's a fire waiting to happen!" 

I looked around the house and nodded appreciatively.

"Now, this house has a lot of potential" I smiled and looked back at them. "So let's get going" I clapped my hands together. 

Remus smiled at my attempt to change the subject and took it upon himself to help me out.

"I think we need to get rid of the dust first..." He pulled out his wand and took a step forward. With a flourish of his wand a kind of cyclone seemed to sweep down the stairs, gathering the thick layer of dust along with it. It swarmed past me and I took a step back. The front window was flung open and the small tornado faded into the wind. 

"wicked" 

Remus smiled at me before turning to Sirius. "You know we're going to have to do most of this the muggle way"

Sirius groaned. "That will take years!" 

"Magic doesn't work nearly as well as muggle cleaning... you know that" Remus said this with a brightness only I could rival. And I did.

"Great! Let's go" 

Sirius groaned again and I laughed before springing to the lavish stairs. "Wait" Sirius called, I thought he was going to complain again but instead he suggested he and Remus check all the floor boards to make sure nothing worse happened. 

"Why don't you go collect all the bed sheets and get them started." Remus suggested as Sirius muttered spells that hit the floor silently. 

"No Problem" This was going to be fun. I started bounding up the stairs my hand sliding along the intricately carved banister. 

"Washer's in the basement" Sirius called after me. and "Got it" was all I managed before I came to a landing with a door. 

I wrenched it open and peered inside. I noticed that the dust spell must have gone through the whole house because this room was dust-free. It smelled like a moth ball though. I coughed quietly and approached the lavish bed. The cover was intricate and decorative, like a beautiful, late century masterpiece. The furniture of the room was all old antique mahogany that could use a coat of varnish. The wood floor was covered in a plush rug that looked hand woven. If the outside hadn't said it already, the rooms did. This house was rich. I stripped the bed and carried the bedding to the landing where I set it down with a sigh of self-accomplishment. I did the same with the rest of the rooms, which was quite a few might I tell you. I accumulated quite a large pile and shook my head as I grabbed half of it in my arms and then started kicking the rest of them down the stairs. 

"Need a little help?" A voice called. I dropped the rest of the bedding and Remus was revealed standing at the bottom of them. 

"I do" Sirius called from behind me. I turned around. He had a very very large box teetering on the banister and across his left cheek all the way to his nose and almost touching his eye was a huge streak of dirt. 

Sirius sneezed which aggravated the dust on the box. 

"Your brilliant spell didn't make it to the attic, Moony" 

Me and Remus exchanged a short look before we both burst out laughing. Sirius stood in confusion for a few seconds before I could suppress my laughs enough to let some words out.

"You have something on your face" I wheezed the words out. Sirius ran his hand over his face and smudged the dirt up to his forehead then looked at his blackened hand. He split into a small smile. 

Sirius abandoned the box and it didn't move an inch as he leapt down the stairs and tackled me. I fell backwards into the mountain of linens, still laughing. He waved his wand over his face and the dirt disappeared.

It took a while to stop my laughing

~*~

I was lying in the middle of the living room. It was crazy late. We spent two hours exhausting every known spell to get that stupid painting of Mrs. Black off the wall. The bed covers had taken about 20 loads in the washer and had just been finished about an hour ago, in which I used to make every single one of the beds. We got the plumbing to work again... actually Remus did. We had gone through every room and thrown all the dark items away.... let me tell you there wasn't very many 'decorative' items left in the house. Tomorrow, we decided to re-varnish all the furniture and polish all the floors, with the rest of the order it should be a lot easier... at least as Remus said.

I had learned something pretty cool today. In wizarding zones underage wizards could use wands with out the ministry knowing. Sirius had taught me a few cleaning spells but Remus had given me the whole "Use responsibility" speech. In which Sirius scoffed, but I promised Remus I would. And I did. But I couldn't deny that it was a lot of fun and I sometimes wanted to just go crazy with spells.

Footsteps echoed in the big room. I turned my head to the stairs. Sirius was dusting himself off and looked at me with a smile. 

"Tired?" He asked. I just nodded.

"I think it's time to call it a night" Sirius yelled up the stairs to Remus.

"I think it's time to call it a really late night.... I called it a night like two hours ago." I closed my eyes and slipped in and out of consciousness. I snapped them open and told myself to buck up. 

"Are you OK?" he asked as he approached me.

"I'm so tired" Was all I could say. He grabbed my arms and pulled me up.

"aren't you hungry?" Sirius stomach growled. I smiled. I should be, we had went through the whole day without stopping to eat a single thing. I'm sure my stomach would have growled as well if it wasn't so tired.

"I don't think I have the energy to be hungry" I smiled and stood straighter. 

"Are you sure? I'm starving" 

"I'm sure" I leaned into him. 

"I'm taking Sarah home, I'll see you there" Sirius called over his shoulder as he guided me to the door. 

I thought I heard Remus call back "OK" but I couldn't be too sure. We walked out into the cold night and I shivered. We stepped onto the street and Sirius wrapped his arms around me. 

"Try and concentrate a little." He whispered into the night. I did and in a second I was surrounded by warmth. The fire roared in the fireplace. I walked up the stairs successfully with Sirius following me as I walked into my room. I pulled the covers back and fell into bed. 

"Goodnight, Sarah" He pulled the covers up to my chin.

I opened my eyes. "Goodnight" I smiled and that's all the last thing I remembered.

~*~

A scream echoed in my head.

I shot up in bed. The sheets were soaked with cold sweat. I was trying to decide if I had screamed in real life as well as my dream. The house was silent. I took deep breaths and turned on the light. The room was eerie and I shivered. When I jumped out of bed, my whole body shivered as the breeze filtered through the blinds. 

I pulled a sweatshirt out of a pile of clothes on the chair on my way out of the room. I opened my door and walked on tiptoes down the hall. Silently fumbling down the stairs, I managed to pull my sweatshirt over my head. My wrinkled jeans brushed the floor with an annoying swishing sound that echoed in my head. The light was on in the kitchen and I slowed down to a creep. 

Sirius and Remus were sitting up at the table, seemingly having a talk. My fear melted in my chest as Sirius looked over at me standing in the doorway. 

"Muster up enough energy for some food? We have-"

"No" I cut him off. I didn't have the mind to think of how rude I was being. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time.

"You look a little pale, are you all right?" He stood up.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm OK" I stumbled over the words. I looked anywhere else in the kitchen but him and played with the cuffs on my sweatshirt.

I saw Remus and Sirius exchange looks from the corner of my eye. Sirius poured me a cup of tea.

"Here, no sugar, just the way you like it" 

I smiled my thanks and took a sip. He put a hand on my shoulder and guided me to a chair at the table.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" He asked resting his chin on his hand. 

I nodded after a slight hesitation. 

"It's not a big deal.... I just had a weird dream." I looked into the rippling liquid as I stirred it with my spoon and I thought, my life is kind of like that. Other people, just like the spoon, would put ripples in my life. Try to control my life, like the spoon controlled the tea. I let the spoon drop, it clinked against the cup and the liquid stilled.

"A weird dream..." 

"Well, it was kinda more like a nightmare..." I corrected reluctantly.

"Did your scar-" Sirius ' voice was almost apprehensive.

"No, it's not my scar, it's just me" I stroked the handle of my teacup with my thumb.

"Oh...Do you want to talk about it." Sirius' voice was deeper now with a gentle tone.

"It's pretty much just a replay of the fourth task." I was very wary of talking about the triwizard tournament at all.

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks again and I clenched my teeth. It made me a little self conscious when they did that, like they were talking about me without even talking. 

"Is this the first time you've had this dream?" This time Remus spoke.

"No, I have it all the time, 3-4 times a week minimum." I still couldn't look at either of them and I stared at the grain of the wood. 

"So it's just a replay? exactly the same?" Remus was quite inquisitive.

"Mostly, sometimes it's a little different."

"What's different about it?" Remus was quite prying wasn't he?

"Cedric and My parents' echoes talk to me"

"What do they say?" 

I felt like screaming now.

"Mean things that I know they would never have said" I said this almost impatiently, " It is just a dream" I was insistent, I had said this mostly to convince myself.

There was a long silence where I still refused to look up, instead content with staring at my cooled tea. 

"OK, well, I've got to get to sleep, Night Sirius" He put a hand on my shoulder as he walked by. "Sweet dreams"

I smiled up at him before he left the room.

I looked up to see Sirius lost in thought and I bit my lip. I hope I didn't say anything wrong. 

The silence, though non-existent to Sirius, was unbearable for me.

"I'm sorry I brought up my parents, I didn't mean to upset you." My small voice penetrated his mind and he spoke with an element in his voice I had never heard before.

"Oh, no, Sarah I don't want you to think that...You're parents were amazing people, and if anyone tells you can't talk about them you tell me because I'll hex them into an oblivion for you." Though he stumbled over his words the sentiment made my heart hurt in my chest. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. " I was just thinking about how much you have to deal with" His voice dipped even lower.

__

You don't even know the half of it

"It's not that bad." I said this with a little laugh, probably at the absurdity of my answer.

"Do you want to talk about your parents?" 

I didn't think this was the best time to start balling. I bit my lips together and shook my head.

"Yeah...but not right now" 

"Ok, I'm here for when your ready" His soothing voice made me smile in spite of myself.

But all I could do was nod. and whisper "OK" 

"You Ok to go back to sleep?" I thought about the question before answering. I decided to answer with honesty.

"I seriously don't think I'll sleep very much... I never do after the dreams." I like to call them 'dreams'... they sounded so much better.

"You can go to sleep though, I have this book I'm reading-"

"Reading? yeah, right! I think it's time to roast marshmallows!" He jumped up and started rummaging in the cupboards before I could even get a word in 

and the little bit of pain and fear that had previously had me clenched in it's defying grip, let go,

and I smiled.

TBC 

~*~

A/N: so? how was it??? I hate to beg but please please please review!! I would LOVE to know what you all thought of this chapter! 

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!

Torny: Well with Snape getting over the whomping willow thing, I'm not really one to hold grudges really so I dunno... but I do like your idea about the Ocllumency (however you spell it) And I think I know how I will introduce it into the story... this chapter was a little pointless... to me it seems all the chapters are kind of pointless until it gets to the real plot of the story... lol I keep wanting to jump ahead and write the exciting parts. You're my faithful reviewer! So keep it up lol, I can't wait to write Snape... it's going to be fun, I hope, when I get there perhaps you can tell me if Snape is Snape-like at all.


	5. Lack of Sleep

TAUNT MY CHAINS

A/N: Hello all my faithful readers! That's right I just said hello to about 3 people! This is getting very dejecting you guys! I got 2 reviews for the last chapter! 2...it's so sad... I feel like crying, no one likes my story.... oh well... I hope everyone...which again is like 3 people... likes this chapter! I'm sorry it took so long! But guess what? Two weeks and I'm out of school for the summer... weeeeee! And oh yeah... in my English class there's this guy and he reminds me of Remus! lol he does... and guess what his last name is? Lupinstine hehe yeah I was very excited when I found out lol. Ok well... moving on...So please read on everyone... this story is gunna get so good I promise... lol at least the story line will... I have it all set up and everything. Ok well... On with the show!

Oh P.S.... For some reason when I publish this to HTML my markers... that I separate the different viewpoints of time periods or whatever... they won't show up... so if anyone knows why....please tell me!! It worked on all my other chapter.... ok well sorry if it's confusing then

CHAPTER 4

"If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." Dale Carnegie

The door creaked open. Remus leaned down to shake Sirius' shoulder. Nothing.

"Sirius!" He shook harder and Sirius groaned and swatted at Remus, coming dangerously close to his face.

"Sirius, get up!"

He rolled over and reluctantly opened his eyes.

"What do you want?" His voice was groggy and his words slurred together.

"We have to go and meet the order at Grimmauld." Remus spoke with impatience, we had gotten a late start and they had very little time to make it there before everyone else. Sirius was now fully awake and he looked at the clock.

"When will they be there?"

"30 minutes, about, come on" Remus was about to leave to wake up Sarah but Sirius stopped him.

"Moony, wait, don't wake Sarah up, she's only been sleeping for like..." He referred to the clock. "three hours"

Remus' eyes widened in surprise, "Three hours? what happened last night?"

Sirius sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. "She just couldn't sleep is all. We stayed up until almost four, until she pretended to be tired because I started to fall asleep" He smiled to himself at remembering Sarah's antics.

"Listen...You can go meet the order, I'll bring her in... two hours?" He squinted at Remus through his itching eyes.

"You just want to sleep longer don't you?" Remus smiled as if he had finally caught on to his master plan.

Sirius fell back against his pillows. "You got me"

"OK well we'll get started without you guys then, I have to be here and make sure no one rings the doorbell, so I better get going."

"OK, see ya later" his sentence was punctuated with a yawn. Remus shook his head and left the house quietly.

9:00... 9:00. As soon as my groggy mind could register the time I was instantly awakened, as if someone had poured water over me, I shot up to a sitting position. All I could think about was that, we were supposed to have left at 7:30 this morning. It wasn't important I supposed, that we must be on time, but it struck me as odd that Remus would allow us to be late. So I stripped the covers of me and swaggered to the door. I pulled it open and literally ran into Sirius, who was standing in the hall.

"Whoa" Sirius steadied me as I took a large step back. I smiled.

"You startled me"

"No kidding" He grinned back. But just as soon his face turned more sobered and his eyes searched my face.

"Did you sleep O.K.?" I knew his question was heavier than when Remus had asked me just the morning before.

I nodded, "Yeah, actually I did." I said this with sincerity, I had fallen asleep soon after I had gone to my room.

His smile resumed. "Good. I told Remus we would be there soon, so we should get going, Are you hungry?" He said this all in one breath.

"No" I answered with certainly that if I tried to eat something right now that I would throw up.

"Good, 'cause I couldn't cook my way out of a paper bag."

"I wonder, when the opportunity would present itself, that you would actually have to cook yourself out of a paper bag." I tilted my head with a narrowing of one eye.

He mimicked my position. "I do wonder..."

"I'll go get ready now" I shook my head and took a step back into my room.

He bowed mockingly "I'll await you in the foyer"

"Sirius" I called as I ran down the stairs.

"Kitchen" He called out in a muffled voice.

I walked down the hall and into the open kitchen. Sirius was stuffing the corner of a piece of toast in his mouth as he dusted off his hands. He mumbled something incoherent and offered me a piece of slightly burnt toast off a small plate. I smiled with amusement and shook my head.

"No thanks" I insisted with my hands. Sirius shrugged and took the toast, leaving the plate lonely on the table.

"Let's go" Sirius stepped into the family room and brushed the crumbs from his black robes.

"Who's going to be there?" I asked him as we walked into the room.

"Oh, about half the order... about. Molly Weasley, Moody, some more people you don't know... you'll meet them soon enough though" He smiled brightly though I could see through it. He hated to go there so much, I felt so bad for him.

"Great" I answered just as brightly.

"Ready?" he asked and wrapped an arm around me.

"Ready" I gripped his lower arm and felt the muscles tensed like mad, before the footing melted below me and I was lost in a dizzy whirl of color and sensations.

My feet slammed into the ground and Sirius' arm tightened as I lurched forward. My head was swirling and my vision blurred as I fell this time, backwards into Sirius and leaned heavily on him, the only thing stationary in the world. I felt like I had spun around a hundred times.

"Are you Okay?" his voice was apprehensive.

"I'm dizzy... feel like I'm going to throw up." I whispered and the world slowly stopped swaying beneath me.

I was breathing heavily.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'm okay now" I said this slowly and leaned away from Sirius.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm good now"

"Next time we apparate, focus on me instead of your surroundings" He whispered this in wise sort of voice.

"Okay, I'll try that"

He relaxed his arms and pulled away slowly, ready to catch me again.

"And here, you have to eat something or you'll pass out." He insisted and I opened my mouth to protest.

He shoved the burnt piece of toast in my mouth before I could get out another word. I tried not to laugh for I was sure it would get lodged in my throat. I took a bite and pulled the rest from out of my mouth.

"It's dry" I wrinkled my nose and choked as it stuck to my throat.

"It's best dry" He insisted half-heartedly as his eyes traveled up and down the street, searching for something un-seeable.

"Says the man who can't cook"

His eyes took a detour to my smart-smiling face. "Don't be a smart-ass with your Godfather" he advised as he looked back down the street and then started towards the front gate.

"Let's get out of the street"

The morning fog was still hanging among the air in thick sheets. And the ends of the street disappeared in the clouds. I was first to the gate and my hand almost burned with the cold dampness of the iron. Sirius reached over me with his wand to the door and it creaked open slowly.

Instead of the silent stillness we had encountered yesterday a cacophony of noise reached my ears.

There was a loud crash. A shout of "TONKS!" and then Mrs. Black went at it.

"BLOOD TRAITOR, FILTH, SCUM..."

My hands flew immediately to my ears and Sirius went running into the living room. Running footsteps down the stairs, scuffing on the old wooden floors, the yanking of curtains closed, and finally, silence.

I made the most out of the misfortune by throwing the toast into the garden under the front window. I took a step into the room and was greeted by the slight of a group of people talking and shaking hands with Sirius. But soon enough they turned their eyes to me. They were all staring at me and I wished the floor would just swallow me up.

"Hi" I smiled as I closed the door silently behind me.

"Oh, dear, it's so good to see you!" Mrs. Weasley emerged from the small crowd and pulled me into a very tight embrace.

"Hi, Mrs. Weasley" I managed to breathe out.

"How are you doing?" She asked in an almost hushed voice as she pulled away.

"I'm doing fine, How are you?" I replied in a sarcastically similar quiet tone.

She smiled at me and held me at arms length, as if she hadn't seen me in years and wanted to make sure I looked just as she remembered me.

"Has Sirius been taking care of you properly?" She said his name with a look of pure distaste. My eyebrows rose in surprise. I had only been with him for a day and she had not even mentioned Remus, it was his house after all, that I was staying in. I nodded slowly and shot a quizzical look at Sirius, he shook his head. I turned back to Mrs. Weasley with less enthusiasm as before. She was now overwhelming instead of comforting, her arms now constricting instead of protective. I took a step back out of her reach and turned away.

Remus took to the front of the group. Eyes upon eyes bored into me from behind him.

"Sarah, I'd like you to meet some members of the order..." He turned and pointed at one end then progressively moved to the other end,.rattling off names.

"This is Alastor Moody" Moody's eye bored into me with a fierceness none of the others possessed. I smiled and nodded .I thought I had known him for a whole year so being introduced again was extremely strange.

"Nymphadora-"

"Do not call me Nymphadora!" the spunky girl chastised Remus.

"You can call me Tonks" she said this to me but with a little spite as she threw a look at Remus. She was looking at me with less...fear? Than the others and I smiled genuinely.

"Kingsley Shackelbolt" the tall man bowed to me and I bowed back with humor.

"Elphais Doge" He nodded, I nodded back.

"Dedalus Diggle"

"We've met before" squeaked Diggle as he dropped his top hat. I laughed... he was always an amusing one. I tipped an imaginary hat to him.

"Emmeline Vance...Sturgis Podmore... and Hestia Jones." they all acknowledged me and I acknowledged back.

"It's nice to meet you all" I smiled politely and they all murmured back, their eyes still on me. I shifted my eyes across the room and Remus took up the lead again.

"All right, everyone. Back to work, we don't have much time to make this liveable before we need to be living in it...everyone back to your posts and _Tonks-_" he emphasized her name with a smile. "Try not to run into anything Okay?"

She shot Remus a glare.

Tonks had been reassigned to the floors with me and Sirius. Remus had concluded that since they were late they would get the 'most important' job and Tonks was given the boot downstairs after she had smashed a shelving unit accidently. 

We were re-varnishing the old wooden floors. The hole I had created yesterday had been repaired and any weak spots were reinforced. We had stopped early on to have a lavish lunch Mrs. Weasley had prepared, now that seemed like days ago. Tonks, Sirius, and I were really having a good time varnishing the floors, despite the pungent smell, we were all making jokes and laughing together. The traffic of order members coming by was quite a few but most the time people stayed to their parts of the house. Hoping to finish as quickly as possible. But now, we had finally finished the floors, just in time for a late dinner, made again by Mrs. Weasley. She had working to clean up and stock the kitchen all day.

It had been a hard day for everyone and we all were sitting back around the large wooden table, waiting for Mrs. Weasley to finish up with the meal. I was sitting there with chin resting in my hand, listening to everyone else's conversations and laughing along with the rest of them. I was so lucky, to be here and with all these people.

I was lying in bed staring at the night sky. After we had finished dinner the order had slowly dispersed until Sirius, Remus, and Mrs. Weasley were the only ones left. Mrs. Weasly had given Remus a kind, motherly hug before leaving, the same to me and gave a cold shoulder to Sirius. She had been acting funny around him all day, and wanted to ask what was up but she left with a simple "I'll see you at the meeting" and Sirius ushered Remus and I out right after.

Now I was trying to get to sleep. I wouldn't say I was afraid of the nightmares... I was more... apprehensive maybe. It was like rolling dice or spinning a wheel. I may have a nightmare or I may not... but I never knew cause it was never in a pattern or anything to distinguish between the peaceful nights and the tormented nights. I had to find out the hard way. Today had been strenuous and I was tired. So I rolled over and closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind.

_I was sitting in a plush high-backed chair. In front of me, were a whole crowd of death eaters looking on with intense interest through their masks. Out of my mouth came words I did not speak. _

_"Does everyone understand the plan?" My voice was hissing and familiar. I gasped to myself... Voldemort._

_There were nods of confirmation and murmurs of approval from those before me. One of the taller ones stepped forward and dared to speak._

_"Master, why don't we simply kill her off?" I recognized the voice as Lucious Malfoy's._

_I felt my mouth curl into a wicked smile. "That comes to the rest of my plan, Malfoy... We must prepare a potion... it is a spell of old dark magic"_

_"What is this spell's purpose, Master?" An anonymous female voice asked. _ _I turned my head involuntarily to her._

_"It can strip a wizard of their powers... and instil them in another wizard." I answered in a menacing hiss._

_The whole crowd approved with nods and shared looks. _

_"Brilliant, Master"_

_"Ingenious"_

_The crowd called out their admiration. My face spasmed into a teeth-baring smile. _

_"Okay all of you must carry out your deeds by nightfall tomorrow... or there will be consequences..." Voldemort's voice that came from my face turned harsh and the crowd turned serious._

_"Of coarse, Master"_

_"Now all of you, out of my sight." _

_All the death eaters fell to their knees and crawled to my feet, kissing them quickly._

_They all stood up and left silently, the doors shut with an echo. My hand traveled up to my face as I sighed tiredly. My fingers ran up to rub my eye and then they grazed my forehead._

_A blinding pain erupted from my scar._

My hands flew to my forehead. I pressed my palms into my burning scar and my breath that was being held, burned my lungs. I dug my fingernails into the flesh of my forehead. It seemed like hours, but it was only minutes, then the pain subsided. I let my breath out it a great hiss and gasped violently for air. A whimpering sound was involuntarily ripping from my throat and tears stung my eyes and silently rolled down my cheeks in the dark of my room. I took several deep steadying breaths before reaching over and turning on my light. I crawled out of bed and pulled my wand slowly off my night table with shaking hands. The floor creaked as I slowly crossed the room and pulled open the door. I inched into the dark hall and was surprised to see Sirius's door slightly ajar with light streaming onto the floor. I took more deep breaths and stood contemplating for several minutes whether or not to go in. Finally as a chill ran up my spine, I decided that I really wanted to talk to him. So, I crept to his door and knocked silently as I pushed it open further.

I peered into the room to see Sirius sitting back against his pillows with his legs crossed at his ankles, reading a rather thick book. He looked up at my knock, letting the book fall into his lap.

"Sirius" I called softly. My voice sounded small and pleading, even to myself.

He took in my pallid, ghostly complection, my shivering body, and the frightened look in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" he voiced his concern as he dropped the book on the night stand and sat up on the side of the bed.

"Did you have a bad dream?" It finally clicked in his mind.

I nodded shakily and took a couple of steps closer into the room.

"Can I come in?" I asked absently.

"Of course, come in"

I pushed through the door and shuffled into the room, wrapping my arms around myself. I stopped at the end of the bed and felt lost... I didn't know what to say, another chill ran through me.

"Are you cold? Come here" Sirius sat back against his pillows and pulled the covers back on the other side of the bed. An involuntary flashback seized my mind.

_I was young, maybe 4 or 5_

_I woke up in my cupboard, whimpering and gasping._

_It was the first time I had the dream, green flashes of light, screaming and laughing. It meant nothing to me but it frightened me to no end._

_There were tears streaming down my face and my heart was panicked. I grabbed the ripped teddy bear I had been given after Dudley had grown tired of it. The cupboard door opened and I crawled out into the hall. Silently making my way up the stairs and through the upstairs hall. _

_I stood at the double doors leading into my Aunt and Uncle's bedroom and pushed them open after quiet contemplation. _

_My Aunt and Uncle were dark lumps, the moonlight filtered in and lit one side of the room._

_I quietly tip-toed up to the bed and picked a lump. I found myself staring into the sleeping face of my uncle. My free hand reached up and lightly tapped his shoulder. He swatted my hand away and grunted. I tapped again. His eyes fluttered open and he stared at me a moment before cursing and sitting up. The light flicked on and he stared at me with evil eyes._

_"What are you doing in here?" He growled and I took a step back._

_"I...I-I had a b-bad dream" I whispered soulfully looking up at him. _

_"So what?" spit flew off his mouth and his face started turning red. _

_"I thought... m-maybe you could....I c-could sleep with you." My voice became smaller than ever._

_I had seen Dudley waddle into their room plenty of nights and crawl into bed with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon. They would tell him that it was alright and cuddle with him until he fell asleep again._

_I wished that for once that they would do that for me... just once._

_Uncle Vernon looked at me with disgust._

_"No, why would we let a freak in our bed?"_

_"I-I don't k-know"_ _my innocent confusion fueled my voice._

_He sneered at me. "Get out of our room and back into your cupboard."_

_I turned and slowly scuffled back out of the room, shut the door behind me and_ _climbed down the stairs._

_In my cupboard I sat up in my stiff bed and clung to my bear as I cried myself to sleep._

"Sarah?" Sirius' voice broke my reverie.

I crawled into the bed and sat up by the headboard. He pulled the covers up and tucked them over me. He leaned back and put his arm around my shoulders reassuringly.

"Was it the same one?"

"No" I whispered. "No"

"What was this one about?" His interest struck me.

"My scar hurt" I remembered the horrible pain that resided in my scar before and ran my hand over it.

"It did?" He asked me in apprehension.

I nodded and looked up at his concerned eyes.

"What happened in your dream?" The second he mentioned it, I tried to remember and realized just as quickly that it was slipping away from my grasp. 

"Umm... I ... I don't remember" I started to panic now... what if it had been important? I dropped my forehead into my hand.

"Hey, it's alright, calm down" He rubbed his hand up and down my upper arm.

"It's Okay if you can't remember... just breathe and think... do you remember anything at all?"

"Ummm..." I closed my eyes and tried to remember... I think the problem was that I didn't really want to remember it. Then it hit me.

"Voldemort... and death eaters..."

"Okay, Okay, good.... do you remember what they were doing?"

"It was like... a meeting..." A still frame flashed into my mind.

"It was so weird... the perspective was wrong..." I went on in confusion.

"How so?" Sirius asked.

"Voldemort was there... but I couldn't see him..." I tried so hard to remember... then I remembered the chilling voice that came out of my mouth.

"He was me!... I mean I was him...kind of..." My heart beat quickened.

"Okay, I don't understand." Sirius said gently.

"It was like... he was speaking... but my mouth was moving.. And when he got angry... I got angry... like I was him... but he was him." I was trying so hard to get my frenzied thought out of my head.

"Hmm.. Could you see through his eyes?"

"Yes.. Yeah I could" I looked up at Sirius' thoughtful expression.

"Scary, huh?" I whispered.

He looked down at me. "Yeah... very. What happened during the meeting... what did they talk about?"

I looked back into the deep corners of my mind. Strained and strained... searched the deepest darks...but it just wouldn't come.

"I.. don't remember... I'm sorry." I whispered.

"It's okay... it's fine.. You did great." he reassured me. "We can tell Dumbledore at the order meeting tomorrow night... okay?"

"Yeah... okay" I nodded absently.

"Well, thanks, I'll be fine now." I insisted after a short silence and started to pull myself up. I certainly didn't want to over stay my welcome.

"No you won't" He stopped me by gripping my arm. "You can sleep in here, Sarah, I know you have trouble sleeping after these dreams."

I fell back against the pillows. "Are you sure it's okay?"

He smiled. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know..."

"We'll neither do I... are you gong to be okay?" He was really concerned and I smiled.

"Yeah I think so."

"Okay, we'll write Dumbledore in the morning." Sirius reached over and turned off the light. "Try to sleep" he advised.

I closed my eyes an the death eaters loomed before me. I reached out and grabbed Sirius' arm tightly. 

He flipped the light back on in an instant. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I said pulling my hand back.

"Are you afraid?"

"A little" I said quietly.

"I'll leave the light on." he concluded.

"No, I'll be fine." I assured him.

"Are you certain?" he questioned

"yeah, positive."

"You're not going to sleep are you?"

" I don't think so" I admitted.

Sirius sighed lightly.

"What did you think about the Order members you met?" He asked, an attempt at changing the subject.

"Well, I didn't talk to anyone much, they seem fine... is there anyone else In the Order I know?" I asked with interest. The whole order concept was very interesting to me.

"Um... I don't know... well, Arthur, Bill, and Charlie Weasley....McGonagall...oh and Snape."

"_Snape_ is in the Order??" I asked in a mild state of shock.

"That's what I said." Sirius' voice was almost emphatic.

"Everyone is so ready to trust him... I can't understand it." he went on.

"There are times when I could believe he's reformed... but then most of the time... I just don't understand what Dumbledore sees" I contemplated.

"I'm getting pretty sick of the way Dumbledore's conducting this whole thing." Sirius shook his head at the thought.

After a long silence something else popped into my mind.

"Why was Mrs. Weasley being so cold to you?" I asked.

"Oh...She seems to think I'm an irresponsible Godfather." He smiled wickedly at me but I knew that he didn't think it completely absurd.

"Why would she think that?" I was very surprised.

"I'm not entirely sure..."

"Does she still think you're a murderer?" I asked... She had reacted like that after the third task when she had seen Sirius.

"I don't think so..."

"Well, that's not cool" I insisted on Sirius' defense.

He simply shrugged.

We went on like that for almost an hour. Talking mostly about the order... Sirius explained in depth how it was founded and how he and my parents had joined. Before I started to feel a little tired and eventually fell asleep to Sirius' hushed voice. 

TBC

A/N: So... how was it? Good? Horrible? Boring?... Please review! It will only take a few seconds! I'm one of those people who thrive on feedback! It just makes my day when someone writes a review! Tell me what you think of the story... how its coming along... tell me if you like the concept...tell me your favorite part of the chapter... if you have any suggestions... questions... ANYTHING lol I'm not picky with reviews... thank you all for reading!!! don't forget to review!!!! hehe thanks

glitter kitty: I'm really glad you like it!!! I wish more people would give it a try instead of thinking it will be horrible right away lol. If by sarah-siri you mean like sexual... then no sorry... just father/daughter lol though the longest fic I've written was a sexual relationship one (Beatles) so now when I write this It always seems like it's turning into that, to me. But really it's not I mean out of context people might take things the wrong way but if you look at other Tv shows or books or whatever with these father/daughter relationships I see that my writing isn't far off so... yeah lol that's my explanation. Thank you sooo much for reading! Stay with me please... the story won't disappoint you, I promise! Please keep reviewing!

Runa LilyAnna Snape:lol sorry this chapter has taken so long! Did you enjoy it? Thank you... I wish I had more reviews, too lol just that I am having some reviews, keeps me writing... so thank you! Lol I usually don't read femaleharry Sotries but I'm really really glad you like mine!! lol thank you so much.... I don't think my writing is all that great but my story line is, I think lol it's prolly been done a million times... prolly better than the way I do it... but this way will be mine so I hope you enjoy it all the way through... and here's a hint for things to come.. I notice that Snape is in your pseudonym and well lol there's your hint. Snape will enter a little on... I hope I can write him all right... lol you prolly hope so too... oh well... please tell me what you thought of this chapter and keep reviewing...it helps me through my day. Thank you so much for reading... I really appreciate all my readers!

Torny: did you fall off the face of the earth? Hehe where are you?

Until next time my friends!


	6. Breath of Kindness

TAUNT MY CHAINS

A/N: Hi everyone! Guess what? School is out!!! weeeee! I'm so excited. I'm going to hibernate for three months lol. Ok well... this chapter was really hard to write... I don't know why... it just was. It's the longest chapter too! Its 22 pages on Word... wow, huh? Well I just couldn't stop at any good places. Oh well I hope you all don't mind the length. So... I got one review last chapter... yep, feeling pretty good about myself. Lol jk. Ok well as long as I get at least one review.. I guess there is still someone reading it. You know what would be great? What if everyone who reads this chapter would just leave me a quick review? Like tell me what you think about it, or what you think will happen, anything... just spare the moment it will take and leave one for me? That would make me feel so good! Thank you all for reading! I hope you like this chapter....

P.S. I just fixed and reposted this chapter... I figured out that Sarah acted all surprised when Sirius said he ran away...but in reality he told her already that he ran away lol... so I fixed it up...no biggie... ok READ ON! And please LEAVE A REVIEW!!!

XxX

CHAPTER 5

Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.

_Dinah Craik__  
_

XxX

Sirius woke up the next morning with a slight headache and a lot of disorientation. He raised his head off the hard surface it had been resting on and blinked his eyes heavily. It took him minutes to realize that he was not in his bed anymore but somehow, during the night, he had rolled off. Slowly he remembered what happened last night and raised his head up even higher to see over the edge of the bed. Sarah was curled up on the bare bed with a peaceful look on her face.

He sat up and eventually de-tangled out of the comforter wrapped around his body. Standing up unsteadily, he shook out the cover and hauled it back onto the bed. Sarah rolled over in her sleep, her back now to him. Sirius started to throw the covers over her and crawl back into bed but was stopped by something that caught his eye.

A deep blue black mark that stood out violently against Sarah's pale skin. He froze. His hand moved slowly towards her and slid her shirt up higher over her side. Sarah's side was marred by a big angry bruise. His gaze moved from her side to her half exposed back... there he saw a half healed, deep gash that ran from the small of her back and disappeared into her shirt. Sirius was floored.

"Sarah" He whispered in a state of shock.

She rolled over onto her back and Sirius drew back his hand as if it had been burnt. She was still asleep. The neck of her shirt was pulled to the side and he saw the bit of another bruise. His jaw had dropped and he pulled the neck back further, the bruise went on across her shoulder. He let go of her shirt and stood frozen, hunched over her.

"Sarah, wake up" Sirius went on, his voice, his mouth moving of it's own accord. She groaned and rolled back onto her side.

"Sarah"

"Just five more minutes, please Siri" Her groggy voice slurred and she pulled the comforter up to her chin.

"Okay" He replied in a kind of daze. What were those injuries from? They looked... abusive... and painful. Sirius blinked. His mind was moving a mile a minute but he could not process a thing. It was as if he was not standing here at all but instead watching himself standing here. He watched Sarah sleeping for nearly five more minutes until he let go of the corner of blanket he had clenched in his fist and walked through the hallway and down the stairs.

Faintly, as if in the distance he heard the noises of an inhabitant in the kitchen. Remus was making breakfast again.

"Good morning, Sirius" Remus said cheerfully in greeting. Sirius mumbled something but Remus took it as him being his usual tired self.

"I saw Sarah in your room when I walked by, another nightmare?" Remus was genuinely concerned. Sirius took a sip of the scalding tea Remus had set in front of him. It cleared his mind slightly.

"Err, yeah... yeah but it was a vision... about Voldemort... her scar hurt" It was all he could do to string words together. Remus snapped around to stare at Sirius.

"A vision...? you mean... Are they starting already?"

Sirius simply nodded. They both, of course, had learned of the prophecy when Lily and James had and Dumbledore had briefly described to Sirius and Remus recently that Sarah might start to have these kind of dreams, but Sirius had more immediate things to worry about.

"You don't seem all that tiffed, Sirius" he accused lightly.

He did not respond.

"Sirius!"

'What?!" He shouted back.

Remus raised his eyebrows and took the seat across from Sirius.

"Padfoot... is something wrong?" now that he looked at him closer Sirius look detached and upset.

"Yes." he blunted.

"Is it the dream? I'm sure Dumbledore will have something to do to help." Remus reassured Sirius the best he could.

"No... that's not it."

"It's...." Sirius went on slowly, he didn't know how to say it. He looked to Remus' face.

"I saw these... bruises on Sarah"

"Oh, well, that's no big deal, James used to be one big bruise after Quidditch season..." Remus face had broke into a half smile.

"No, Sarah didn't play Quidditch this season, they canceled it for the triwizard tournament..."

"Oh well there you go... probably from the maze... or the run-in with the death eaters..." Remus voice dropped at the end of the statement.

"No. They are much more recent than all that... and there's this gash on her back." Sirius leaned over the table pressing his fist to his mouth.

"What are you saying? You think..." Remus did not finish the sentence.

"It looks abusive" Sirius whispered, their eyes met and held before Remus spoke up.

"Well...-"

Enter Sarah.

XxX

I walked into the kitchen where I knew Sirius and Remus were by their undinguishable voices echoing down the hall.

"Hi" I smiled when they looked up at me with a strange look on their faces.

"Did you try to wake me up or was that a dream?" I looked at Sirius, I wasn't sure whether it had really happened or if I imagined it.

Sirius cleared his voice and smiled at me. "No, it wasn't"

"Oh, heh sorry I didn't get up, I was kind of tired." I apologized.

"Oh, no it's fine... I didn't mean to wake you up." Sirius insisted.

"Okay, so... is that breakfast burning?" I turned to Remus when the smell of burnt eggs reached my nose.

"Damn" Remus whispered and jumped up. He dropped the skillet into the sink and turned on the water it sizzled and steam rose in puffs to the ceiling.

He sighed and shook his head. "Oh well", he magicked breakfast onto the table.

XxX

Sirius and I were scaling the stairs of Grimmauld place, on our way to find Remus. While we had been checking closets, nooks and crannies for dark creatures that might have taken refuge in the house over the years. All we found were a lot of mice, so we decided to join Remus who was working on the creatures we knew were in some of the highest rooms. I stopped abruptly in front of a door I hadn't even seen before, it was the first door in the hall on the highest landing.

"What's in here?" I questioned Sirius.

He didn't respond and I tapped his shoulder. He turned around slowly. Sirius had been acting a little strange today. He was kind of detached, but whenever I asked him what was wrong he would just shake it off. He looked at the ornately carved wooden door before us.

"That's the library."

"Oh, wicked. I didn't know you had a library! Are there books in there?" I smiled excitedly. I'll admit that I was a bit of a bookworm but not for school texts like Hermione but books on defense spells and novels, classics, anything interesting, I just loved reading.

"Yeah it's still filled with books." He smiled at my enthusiasm and pushed the heavy door open. It was amazing.

The books were lined from floor to vaulted ceiling on every wall. There was a huge desk in front of the big window looking out into the garden. Behind it was a green high backed chair, looking very formal. In the middle of the room was a seating area. A black leather couch with gold rivets littering the back, a coffee table to match the desk and two green chairs with a high table between them all over a plush rug. The huge fireplace had two matching chairs in front of it as well as several chairs scattered about the room. I looked on in awe at all the millions of books.

"Wow" was all I mustered. Sirius laughed at my reaction.

"I've always liked it in here to tell you the truth... no one else came in here, I think it was simply for looks. I used to come in here to do my homework so no one bothered me." Sirius was walking around the room that the order had cleaned yesterday.

I was scanning the shelves when my eye caught an interesting title.

"Advanced Defense: from patronuses to invisible shields."

I reached up on tiptoe to pull the book from the shelf. I almost had my grip on the spine when Sirius grabbed my arm from behind and gently pulled it away from the books. I turned and looked at him quizzically.

"Sarah, you can't touch the books, some of them are dangerous." He explained.

"But.." I turned and looked up at the book, wondering why it was even in this library. "It's a defense book"

He smiled. "I know, I had a copy of it that helped me through Auror training. But even dark wizards need to know defense spells"

I had always known he was an Auror but something hit me when he actually said it.

"I want to be an Auror." I told him, completely off subject.

"I know, someone told me that. You'll be great." I smiled at his compliment.

"Thanks." my eyes traveled back to the book... filled with a new longing to read it. "But, then don't you think I should read it? I already know how to do a patronus."

" Remus told me you could. That's amazing. I had trouble with patronuses even after school." He smiled proudly and ruffled my hair.

"Can't I read it please? I can learn new spells." I begged him with my eyes.

"Don't give me that, I'm the master of puppy dog eyes." He chuckled.

And I laughed too. "Oh, well, you're right, you have much better dog eyes."

"You mean I can't read any of the books?' I whined. I had found this gold mine and now was being cut off.

"Not now, We'll need to check them all. I'm not doing it to be mean, I don't want you to get hurt." he rubbed my shoulder.

"I know..." I sighed.

"Well, let's go find Moony." he mocked my sigh and I glared at him with a smile before continuing down the hall to the next room and opening the door. Before Sirius left the room, he pulled the thick book off the high shelf and set it on the desk. It would be the first they checked in the library full of books.

XxX

Sirius found Sarah standing in the middle of the drawing room. It was practically empty now. All of the items filling it being dark and noxious, therefore removed by the order yesterday. He smelled a distinct odor in the room, but couldn't place it. Sarah walked toward the large tapestry and stared at it in interest. Sirius immediately got a sinking feeling in his stomach seeing that horrid thing for the first time in years. He walked up behind Sarah and startled her with his announced disdain.

"I was wondering if this was still here."

XxX

I spun around at the sound of Sirius' voice.

"What is it?" I asked cautiously, noticing the look on Sirius' face.

"It's a family tree of the Black family."

"But... you're not on here!" I protested searching the bottom lines.

"I was here." He pointed out a small round burn "they blasted my name off after I ran away."

"Oh yeah..." I whispered, remembering our conversation the night I arrived.

"I was so tired of their pureblood mania, and their obsession with the dark arts." His face showed the dark memories I had inadvertently dug up. I absorbed his words carefully.

"I wish I could run away from the Dursley's..." I whispered.

XxX

Sirius caught it and stared at Sarah. Her comment had reminded him of the bruises, but he had already decided he would talk to her later... after he talked with Remus. He was almost afraid to ask her about them, truthfully, for it might confirm his fears. He would bring it up later, so he let it slide.

XxX

I broke myself out of my reverie.

" Yeah, I camped out at your dad's place on school holidays and then got my own place when I was seventeen. My Uncle Alphard left me a decent bit of gold... yeah, see, he's not on here either, that's probably why." He pointed out another burn in the tapestry and went on about his overwhelming genealogy, even telling me about his brother, that I never knew he had.

My eye caught the other familiar surnames on the tree and when I pointed it out, Sirius explained how pureblood families were interrelated. It was when we got to Lestrange, I wondered why it sounded so familiar. Sirius told me that she was brought to trial with Barty Crouch Jr. And I instantly remembered her from Dumbledore's pensieve.

"You never told me she was you're.." I started in surprise. That was the straw that broke Sirius' back.

"Does it matter if she's my cousin?" Sirius snapped. "As far as I'm concerned, they're not family. I haven't even seen her since I was your age. Do you think I'm proud of having relatives like her?"

I had seen Sirius get mad before, but never so angry towards me. I unconsciously shrunk away, startled.

"N-no, of course not. I'm sorry, I didn't mean...I mean, I was just surprised-" I sputtered, trying to right what I had said.

Sirius felt immediately contrite for snapping and shook his head.

"No, no, don't apologize. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I got so defensive." Sirius draped his arm over my shoulders. "I just...hate being here. I never thought I'd have to come back."

"I know what you mean... I'd hate to think I was rid of 4 Privet Drive and then have to be back there. I'd much rather be here anyway."

"It must be horrible there, if you'd rather be here." Sirius said darkly.

"It is." I insisted.

XxX

Sirius heard a sort of anguished undertone in her words that he thought he may not have noticed, had he not suspected her to be haunted by deeper horrors.

"Let's go find Moony" Sirius said quietly, leading Sarah out of the room. 

XxX

And find him they did, In the small study next door. The distinctive odor was in this room as well, but Sirius recognized it now as doxicide. Remus had a black handkerchief tied around his nose and mouth and held a squirt bottle in one hand, he looked like an outlaw from a western movie. He turned towards us the nozzle of the bottle pointing in our direction.

I put my hands in the air. "You can have our money, just don't hurt us!" I pleaded jokingly.

Remus pulled the handkerchief down and smirked. "I do look conspiring don't I? I'm getting rid of Doxies, want to help?"

"No, Not really" Sirius smiled. Remus brushed his response off with a small shake of his head.

Remus was about to say something when they heard footsteps on the stairs. The Order members weren't due for hours and hours. Sirius grabbed my arm and moved in front of me carefully, his wand at the ready. Remus moved towards the door with his wand.

"Hello?" he called out the door.

The footsteps came closer.

"Oh, there you are!"

It was Dumbledore. He made his way through the doorway as Sirius let out a breath and lowered his wand.

"What are you doing here, Headmaster?" Remus questioned in a mild state of shock.

"Oh, well, after I received your letter this morning. I decided to come and talk about a few things."

Sirius and I had written a letter to Dumbledore, explaining the dream and scar pain earlier this morning.

XxX

Dumbledore tried carefully not to let his eyes catch Sarah's, he had decided a while ago how to take care of this situation when it arose. But now, so early on into this debacle, he was wondering if he could simply test Voldemort's hold on her. He leveled his gaze to Sarah. She gave him a smile and in her eyes was nothing but quizzical interest. He smiled back.

XxX

"Well, why don't we go to the kitchen?" Remus said with a voice full of hospitality.

"That would be lovely." Dumbledore bowed shortly for Remus to lead the way. Remus untied his handkerchief and set it with the spray bottle on the small desk before doing just that.

XxX

Settled around the kitchen table Remus offered tea to everyone. We all accepted hoping it would calm our separate nerves.

He set the tea cups down in front of us and I took a nervous sip before Remus sat down.

"So, Sarah, could you tell me about this dream?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

"Well..." I started with hesitance.

My eyes shifted to Sirius, he smiled at me reassuringly. I took a deep breath and told the little information I knew while stealing glances towards Sirius and Remus.

"Is that the whole dream?" Dumbledore spoke up after I had finished.

"Well, no, I just don't quite remember the rest, actually." I replied, finally looking up at him.

"Okay." he nodded with a smile.

"But...what does it mean?" I asked leaning forward.

"In due time, Sarah." His inviting smile turned fake in my eyes.

"What do you mean...'in due time'?" I asked slowly.

"I mean, that you will know in due time."

"Why not now?" I asked quizzically.

"Because, you don't need to know now." His smile stayed firmly in place.

"You know?... and you're not going to tell me??" I asked, with the beginnings of anger forming at the tips of my words.

"It's not important that you know"

"Says you?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"Sarah" Remus warned, but I didn't take my eyes off of Dumbledore.

"I knew this would upset you, Sarah-"

"And that's your goal in life then? Upsetting me? If it's not, it should be. You've got a real knack for it." My voice became sarcastic and biting.

"Sarah, don't-" Remus started.

"It's Okay, Remus, let her say what she wants to." Dumbledore turned to look at me properly.

I put on a calm facade. "No, actually I wanna hear what you have to say. I have a right to know."

"Yes, you do. But you don't need to hear it now, Sarah, trust me. I came here to discuss something about your dream... You need to start taking Occlumency lessons as soon as possible." Dumbledore became serious and his stare bored into me.

I smiled and shook my head. "No" I said firmly. "I refuse" I stood up.

His smile returned. "Sarah, I know you hate to be left in the dark, but this is necessary. Just go with this for now. You will know when the time is right."

"Why do you get to decide?" I asked. "Why can't I? There's no time like the present."

"I get to decide because, believe it or not, I know how to handle this, I know what's best."

I took a deep breath. "I have the right to know."

"Sarah-" Remus just didn't know when to quit.

"I wasn't talking to you, Remus" though the words weren't said with anger and spite evident in my voice, it was apparent why I said them.

"I have the right to know" I repeated. Dumbledore didn't twitch.

"Sirius..." I turned to him looking for back-up, instead I met his apologetic face.

"I'm sorry, Sarah, but he's right. It's really not important." he was siding with them, they were all ganging up on me. My face contorted with the acknowledged betrayal. I snorted in disgust and turned on me heel. I was out of the room before anyone could say a word.

Fuming, I climbed the stairs. I climbed calmly...I would rather have stomped and shouted my way up them, but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. I was at the topper most landing and I pushed the library door open. I felt my rage wanting to slam the door as hard as I could but instead I shut it with care. I had crossed the room in seconds and was looking out of the window, not really seeing. I sighed, taking deep breaths and turned around. I saw the book on the desk and reached out hesitantly. I ran my hand over the leather bound cover. My hand shook as I reached for the edge, to pull it open.

_"I'm not doing it to be mean. I just don't want you to get hurt."_

His words echoed in my head. I pulled my hand away, it would be wrong anyway. I walked around the desk and to the chairs in front of the fire. I curled up in one and set the side of my face on my knees. And closed my eyes.

XxX

"That was genius" Sirius sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Genius..." he whispered.

"You're just sore because you don't like reprimanding Sarah and you think she hates you now." Remus said this is a haughty, dismissal kind of voice.

Sirius looked at him incredulously. "What the hell is wrong with you, Moony?"

Remus turned his head away from Sirius to stare at the wall, Sirius narrowed his eyes, and Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"I must be leaving soon, but we important things to discuss before I go." Dumbledore's tone demanded attention. 

"The first is what we have just encountered. Sarah does not need to know what's going on. It is for her own good, Sirius."

"I don't want her to have to deal with it either, but I also don't want to keep things from her... things that are important. " he shook his head. "I'll try to make her understand."

Dumbledore nodded. "Thank you. Now, the matter of this house... it looks marvelous." he complimented with a smile.

"Oh, yeah, it's great" Sirius said half-heartedly.

"I'm glad you like it, Sirius, then you won't mind moving in."

Sirius' head snapped up and stared at Dumbledore...wanting nothing more than to slap that smile off his face.

'What?" Sirius asked in a dangerously calm voice.

"Moving in...back here."

"There is no way in hell I'm moving back here!" Sirius stood up. "It's bad enough having to even come here for meetings. I'm not moving in."

"You have to." Dumbledore said gently.

"I don't HAVE to do anything!" Sirius' voice was near shouting.

"You're right. You don't. But Sarah has to and I'm sure Remus will move in here with her. You can stay at Remus' house." Dumbledore went on pleasantly.

"What...why does Sarah have to?"

Dumbledore became decreasingly calm."The dream's are starting, Voldemort's becoming active, she needs the best protection available. And this house is the best protection that can be provided! Don't you care about her safety?"

Sirius face hardened. His eyes narrowed. "You know I do!"

"Good then you will not stop her from residing here, you can stay at Remus' but she must stay here."

"No, I'll stay." Sirius was still glaring.

"Good, I'm sure that will make her feel better about this." Dumbledore nodded.

"I can't thank you enough for your cooperation, both of you." he went on.

"It's nothing." Remus insisted politely.

"One last thing" Dumbledore put his index finger up in emphasis. "The Occlumency lessons will need to start as soon as possible."

"Okay" Sirius nodded.

"She will need to come to Hogwarts... the floo will be open and blocked so that no one can travel here except from Hogwarts, and no one can go anywhere from this floo except Hogwarts."

Sirius nodded again in understanding.

"She will need to report to Professor Snape's classroom 7:00 pm on Wednesday."

"Snape!" Sirius shouted. "Why with Snape? Why not you?"

"Because I can not open Sarah's mind to my own. When Voldemort finds this connection and starts to test it, he will realize the contact Sarah has with me. He will try to use her to get to me. That cannot happen." Dumbledore explained this slowly.

Sirius shook his head. "Not with Snape! He's going to use this as an excuse to give her a hard time!"

Dumbledore shook his head. "Severus is extremely skilled in the art of occlumency. If you know of anyone who is just as skilled..."

Sirius was horrible at occlumency. So was Remus. He just glared at Dumbledore.

"If I find out he's been roughing her up..."

Dumbledore nodded. "Enough said, I will have a chat with Severus. Now, if you'll excuse me... I will be back this evening, you will be settled in here by then?"

"Yes, sir, But we better hurry and finish the first of your orders before we move in." Sirius said this with sarcasm.

"Thank you, Sirius." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he stood up.

"No I can find my own way out thank you, Remus" Dumbledore insisted as Remus stood up.

He took his leave with a simple. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Gentlemen."

"He makes me so mad" Sirius whispered after they heard the door close.

"He knows what he's doing" Remus insisted.

"Oh you just kiss his ass because he let you go to Hogwarts way back when." Sirius said bitterly.

His words hit Remus like a fist. He stood up.

"Yeah, I appreciate what he did for me, Sirius! I wasn't going to be able to go to school, to do anything normal, because of what I was... he was sympathetic. He risked a lot for me!" Remus' voice was almost spiteful.

"We became animaguses for you, Moony! We risked a lot too! But we did it because we cared about you! We didn't expect anything from you, how can you pretend like he was the only one who made your life livable? How can you take his side over mine just because you feel some kind of unjustified loyalty to him?" Sirius was practically shouting now as well. 

Remus anger fell off his face like it was a mask, ripped from his face by Sirius' words.

"I know you risked a lot for me, and I'm grateful! Don't you know that? You were the only people I could count on... I was always loyal to you." Remus voice held a quiet sadness that made Sirius' anger slip away.

"I know. I know. You just...you do whatever Dumbledore says because he did you a favor once." 

"I don't think so..." Remus trailed off. "Aren't you loyal to him?" he looked up into Sirius' eyes.

"I'm loyal to our side" he replied. "I'm loyal to our cause. And if Dumbledore leads us through it then I am loyal to him. But if he stops helping us... then I give him the loyalty that he deserves... but you, sometimes I think you'd follow him into Voldemort's lair."

"No I wouldn't" Remus said quietly. "Merlin...I'm sorry I've been acting like I have, and saying the things I've been saying. This is all just getting...heavy." Remus ran a hand over his weary face.

Sirius sighed. "I know... It's not your fault, Moony. I'm sorry I said the things I did, too. I know you do what you have to."

Remus shook his head in silent brush-off of Sirius' apology. The silence swallowed them.

"Let's go find Sarah" Sirius suggested waiting for Remus before starting up the stairs.

XxX

Sirius had a feeling he knew where Sarah was hiding. The same place he would have hidden.

He knocked on the library door before stepping in, Remus shut the door behind them.

XxX

I turned my head to the door. Sirius and Remus walked in and stopped in front of me.

"I thought you'd be in here" Sirius smiled.

"I didn't touch anything" I answered sedately.

"I believe you."

The room was quiet. I had reflected while in the library and realized my disrespect.

"I'm sorry" I said looking up at Sirius.

"For what?" he asked in confusion.

"For being so rude to you."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I would have been the same." Sirius insisted.

"No, you would have been worse." I gave him a half smile.

He snorted and nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

"Remus, I'm sorry I shouted at you" I looked around Sirius.

"It's all right, Sarah, I know how frustrating this is."

"Everyone knows but no one cares." I smiled wryly. "How disgustingly typical."

"Sarah." Sirius sat down in the chair next to mine. I sighed, ready for a lecture.

"You know we all care for you, and we want to do what's best for you. That's what we have to do even if you don't like it" I could feel his eyes on me.

"I know" I whispered. He leaned forward so he could see my face. "I know" I repeated looking straight at him.

"Ok so you just have to trust us for now... Do you trust me?" he asked.

"Yes" I said firmly.

He smiled. "Ok, so can you try to bend with us a little? To make it easier? Even if you don't understand? I promise if it's something you have to know, I'll tell you."

I looked into his eyes. "You promise?"

"I promise." he repeated.

I nodded. "Ok, I'll go with it." I whispered.

"Good, I bet you want to know what Dumbledore said." He raised his eyebrows.

I contemplated the question slowly before shaking my head with a smile.

"No." I insisted. "No, I don't want to know. If no one wants to tell me, then I don't want to know... I don't care anymore"

Sirius smiled in disbelief and nodded. "Okay. But I do have some bad news"

"What?" I asked quickly.

"The occlumency lessons.."

"Oh... those... what is occlum..ency?" I asked.

"It's like.... uh..." Sirius started. Remus jumped in.

"It's the art of closing off your mind... so no one can see your thoughts... it will stop the weird dreams like the one you had with the death eaters..."

"Oh" I nodded.

"Yes but the worst part is Snape is teaching it to you." Sirius told me slowly.

I stared. "...are you kidding me?"

"I wish I was."

"Oh, great...when I thought my life couldn't get any better, something like this comes along and instills my belief that miracles do happen" my voice was incredibly sarcastic.

Sirius smiled. "I talked to Dumbledore, I told him that if Snape gives you a bad time he'll have to answer to me. So if he trys anything you just tell him that."

I laughed. "Okay, when he's mean to me, as he inevitably will be, I'll tell him to stop or else I'm going to tell my Godfather on him. Good plan, Sirius."

He smiled. "Okay, okay, don't say anything, but when you get home you tell me what he did."

I shook my head with a good-natured smile. "Whatever you want." I mumbled.

"Oh, one more thing." Sirius mentioned. "We're moving in."

"Moving in....in here?" I asked incredulously... looking at Sirius.

He nodded calmly.

"Why?" why would Sirius want to move into this house he despised?

"Because it's much safer here, of course." Sirius commented, not looking half as happy as he pretended.

"But...you hate it here." I said as if it was the most obvious thing.

"No, I don't" He said dismissively. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, I do...but it's not that big of a deal." He wasn't convincing. I looked at him skeptically.

"Don't question me." Sirius smiled.

"Okay...when do we move in?"

"Today" Remus supplied. "Before the meeting tonight."

I nodded. "Okay" I agreed. " Do you need any help with whatever you were doing?" I asked Remus, hoping we would finish everything by the meeting.

"Well, actually why don't you go check for doxies in the dining room curtains, we overlooked that earlier. Take the spray and make sure you tie the handkerchief over your mouth." Remus smiled with gratitude.

"No problem" I jumped up. "I'll be back up when I'm done!" I went down the hall to find the supplies.

XxX

Sirius sighed as Remus sat in the chair Sarah had occupied.

"I'm worried about Sarah" Sirius said setting his head in his hand.

"What? about her dreams? The occlumency will take care of that." Remus offered.

"No- well, yeah I am worried about her dreams. But I meant her...injuries." Sirius said quietly.

"Oh, yeah... but... are you sure they are what you think they are?"

"Yes, What else would it be Moony?" Sirius whispered soulfully.

"I dunno." Remus muttered. There was a moment of silence, shattered by Sirius next words.

"THAT SON OF A BITCH HIT HER! I KNOW HE DID!" Sirius shouted, jumping up from his seat and pacing the floor with anger.

Remus was not phased by his outburst but made Shushing noises anyway. "Sarah will hear you!" He warned him, but it seemed Sirius wasn't listening.

"I can't believe he'd hit his own niece. I can't believe it." Sirius shook his head in disgust.

"I can't say I'm surprised." Remus finally said watching Sirius pace frantically.

But when this comment reached his ears, Sirius balked. He turned his angry face to Remus.

"What do you mean? You knew-?"

"NO! No, I mean I knew they treated her horribly... They were horrible, Sirius, you know how bad Lily's sister was...I never saw any signs of abuse...she must have hid it well...but now that I hear this...I can see where it might happen." Remus' words were stilted but they held deep emotion. Remus couldn't really grasp the fact that this was true... maybe because he hadn't actually seen the bruises, but he couldn't believe that James's daughter was being abused... he just couldn't believe it.

" I didn't know they were that bad." Sirius said in hushed words. His pacing had stopped and he sank into the chair, his face buried in his hands.

Remus put his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"Sirius, it's not your fault." he said firmly.

"Not my fault?" Sirius sat up. "Of course it's my fault! I didn't even notice! I'm her godfather and I can't even protect her from her own relatives!" Sirius words were full of anger and shame.

"This might have been happening her whole life!" Sirius took a deep breath. "I've completely failed Lily and James." Sirius whispered in despair. "..again."

Remus squeezed his shoulder tightly. "No you didn't, you did not fail Lily and James...there is no way you could have known! No one would expect them to do something like this... to Sarah." He tried to reassure Sirius. Then Sirius' emotions turned to fury again. He stood up quickly and started pacing again.

"I'm gonna kill that Dursley for ever laying a hand on her!" Sirius was seething.

Remus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"I have to go talk to Sarah." Sirius said abruptly, more to himself than anything.

"No, Sirius. If you go in there upset... I know how mad you are... how do you think Sarah's going to feel? If she really has been abused...you're going to scare her, Sirius. You have to calm down." Remus was firm.

Sirius stopped to stare into the bare fireplace. "She must be terrified." he whispered.

XxX

Sirius had finished packing his possessions and was now dragging a trunk and a valise down the hall.

"Sarah are you ready yet?" He called into her open door.

Sarah was throwing things into a trunk. "No, I'm sorry, not quite." She replied in an apologetic voice.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm just checking." Sirius replied pulling his things down the stairs and into the family room.

He dropped down onto the couch and ran a hand threw his unkempt hair.

What was he going to do about Sarah? He supposed Moony was right... he was always right. He really needed to calm down. That was a hard thing for Sirius to do. To not let his emotions control him. He would have to do it though, for Sarah. He tried to play the things he wanted to say to her in his head. The first thing to do was to make sure he was right in his assumptions...

"Ok, Siri, I'm ready. Sorry I took so long." Sarah dragged her trunk in and let it drop, it fell to the floor with a thump.

"It's Okay." He smiled. "Where's Moony?"

"Um....still packing? I think." She answered settling down on the couch.

"MOONY!" Sirius shouted up the stairs.

"Hold your hippogriffs!" Remus shouted back down.

"Geez" Sirius whispered. A thick silence fell over the room. Sirius spent the time plucking up the courage to start the dreaded conversation, now was as good a time as any.

"So, Sarah-"

"All right, Sirius, I'm ready." Remus came in dragging his trunk.

Sirius let out a relieved sigh for getting cut off and jumped up. "All right, let's go"

Sarah stood up and looked at Sirius inquisitively. "What were you going to say?" She asked.

"Oh, nothing." He insisted.

"Well, does everyone have everything?" Remus asked.

Sarah and Sirius both nodded. "Well, let's go." Remus smiled.

Everyone grabbed their cases and Sarah sidled up to Sirius so they could apparate, but his arms were full with his baggage.

"Er..."

"Here, Sarah, I'll take you" Remus offered his empty hand. She stepped closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her.

"Remember to concentrate." Sirius put in before him and Remus apparated to number 12 grimmauld place.

The trunk in Sarah's grasp felt like it was about to be ripped from her hand. The landed in the street a little ways off from the house. Sarah lost her grip as her feet slammed into the ground and she dropped her trunk. The momentum cast her forward and she fell straight over her trunk and onto the ground.

"Are you OK?" Sirius asked looking down at her.

Sarah burst out laughing.

XxX

Grimmauld place had several landings on the stairs. Walking up the steps, each landing had a single door on the right side. Some had only that, others had a whole hallway off the left side. The topper most landing had the library on the right, straight in front of the steps, was a door leading to stairs to the attic, and on the left was a hallway. The hallway had six doors, the three on the right were a study and two bedrooms. The three on the left were now occupied by Sarah (The last from the stairs), Sirius (in the middle), and Remus (closest to the stairs).

Sarah was currently unpacking into her new room. Remus had just finished and when he realized Sirius wasn't in his room, started down the long stairwell.

It seemed to take forever to reach the ground floor. The door leading down to the kitchen was closed and Remus pulled it open. Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the wood.

"Sirius?" Remus called as he made his way down the stairs and sat before his old friend.

Sirius looked up. "Hey, Moony." he replied dully.

"What's wrong now?" Remus asked.

Sirius stiffened at the tone Remus said this, almost exasperated. He took a deep breath.

"Nothing, I'm just... tired" He said dejectedly.

"Tired...?" Remus questioned.

"Sick and tired... of everything. Why can't life just give us all a break for once?" Sirius sighed.

"Because life is trying to make you miserable and if you just sit here and sulk, well, then you're letting life win aren't you?" Remus smiled.

"I need a drink." was Sirius answer.

"Well, lucky for you..." Remus stood up and kneeled down in front of the sink. He pulled a bottle of Odgen's firewhisky from under the sink and showed it to Sirius.

"Moony, you've been holding out on me." Sirius accused with a small smile.

"Nah, I just saw it the other day, I knew you'd find it sooner or later anyway, like when you started to go mad and turned over the whole house looking for something that resembles a stiff drink." Remus smiled and set two glasses on the table along with the bottle.

"You know me so well." Sirius with a wry smile.

Remus poured two short glasses. Sirius took his and threw half of it's contents down his throat. Remus sniffed his glass and then sipped from it slowly.

" Ah, Remus, I can't believe I'm back in this...place." Sirius sighed swirling his glass.

Remus looked up from his own drink and stared at Sirius sadly. "Yeah, I know... but it's better now, I mean your uh, family isn't here anymore..."

Sirius looked up with a half smile. "Yeah they are." Remus smiled back.

"Well, you know what I mean, and all the... dark things are gone."

"Yeah, I know", Sirius conceeded. "But, it's just the bad memories." He downed the rest of his glass and poured another.

"I know, but it is safer for Sarah, and you... everyone actually." Remus nodded.

"Yeah, thanks for coming...and living here with us, you didn't have to."

"Hey, it's no problem, I get lonesome all alone anyway...besides I'll be closer for order crap." Remus insisted.

Sirius snorted and took a sip from his glass.

Sarah, who had decided to take a break from upstairs, came down the kitchen stairs.

"Hey" She smiled. "What's going on?"

"Nothing" Remus smiled. Sirius said nothing.

Then she took in the sight of the bottle of alcohol and glasses.

XxX

I saw the bottle of whisky on the table and took in a short breath. I tried not to let it get to me and just kept my eye on the half full glass in Sirius' hand.

"Are you done unpacking?' Remus asked.

"No" I smiled. "But, I got bored so I came to see if there was anything left to be done around the house?"

"No, nothing, well, there is what I believe to be a boggart in the writing desk but I think mad-eye better take a look at that before we open it." Remus turned his conversation to Sirius halfway through.

"Yeah, good idea" Sirius nodded.

The smell of alcohol reached my nostrils and triggered something in my brain. The feeling of fear I felt when my uncle had tried to hit me took over my senses. The memories of him looming in front of me flickered through my mind. Sirius was bringing his glass up to his lips and panic gripped my heart. I didn't want Sirius to get drunk...to get angry at me. I couldn't control myself, my hand did it of it's own accord. It smacked the glass out of Sirius' hand. The glass flew from his hand and hit the table with a clunk, the amber liquid spilled across the wood and the glass rolled through it, finally stopping halfway down as the liquid reached the edge and started leaking onto the floor.

There was a shocked silence and Sirius turned to me.

"Is something wrong?" He asked a little stunned.

"No" I said quietly.

"No?" He asked flatly.

"I'm sorry... I just don't like people drinking....in front of me...sorry, I didn't mean to..." I stumbled over my words wishing I could go hide, instead I righted the glass in front of Sirius and grabbed the dishtowel from the stove, wiping down the table and floor quickly. Remus and Sirius exchanged glances as I dropped the rag back on the counter and avoided their eyes.

"It's okay... you could have just said something, I won't drink in front of you if it really bothers you." Sirius nodded with his eyebrows raised as if to ask if this was a plausible solution. 

"Yes, Thank you... sorry again, I better go finish unpacking." I nodded and backed up a couple of steps before turning and quickly making my way up the stairs and running up to my room.

I was so stupid! They would know something was going on now. I threw myself onto my bed. God, I was so stupid...

XxX

Sirius watched Sarah leave and then stared at Remus.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked.

"I'm not sure" Remus answered. He was met with silence.

"Well...I better go talk to her... about everything." Sirius looked at his empty glass.

"Yeah... I guess the sooner the better. Remember, Sirius, be calm." Remus emphasized the last bit.

"I will, Moony." he sighed. "God, I'm gonna screw this up. "

"No, you won't... just don't go ballistic and be sensitive to her, don't let your anger for Dursley upset her." he warned.

Sirius nodded as he poured a bit more firewhiskey into his glass and downed it. He took a deep breath and set down the glass.

"Moony, come with me."

"No, I can't" he protested, "She trusts you much more than I, she'll be much more comfortable with just you. You'll do fine." Remus reassured.

Sirius nodded in acceptance and then started up the stairs.

"Good luck." Remus called after him.

Sirius raised his hand in acknowlegement and squared his shoulders, readying himself for the inevitable.

TBC

XxX

A/N: So.... how was it??? huh huh huh??? good?...bad?...horrible?? What do you think is gunna happen next??? How is the talk gunna go?? Please review and tell me how you liked it!!! I'll be forever grateful!!!! The more reviews I get the faster this next chapter will be up!!! Remember that as you sit in anticipation of my next installment!!! lol

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!! REMEMBER TO LEAVE A REVIEW!!

Lory In Love: lol yeah my number of reviews are pretty low... hehe I think we all like reading reviews! Some just more than others... I'm one of those freaks who like live off of them... lol Thanks! I'm glad you liked my last chapter... the story line will get really good the more we go on... I promise! Just stay with me... lol And try to recruit more readers if you can lol or at least more reviewers! Lol like just be talking to someone and randomly be like "hey I've got a story for you to read..." lol Well How did you like this chapter??? Was it good? How is it going you think?? Well thanks again for reading... I really appreciate your input!

Until next time my friends!


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